I learned a lot at IHOP-KC last week, and today I am trying to process it all. Today is also exciting because it is October 31st, and I'm anticipating the shift in the spirit prophecied by Kim Clement. Today we are having 10 hours at City HOP. And so far it has been great. We sang a few minutes ago..."Reveal the darkness hidden in the night, for no, no, NO darkness can hide in the light. Shine down King Jesus." Also, we pray today that God will make this a day of LIFE for he gives life for death, joy for mourning, beauty for ashes...
One of the things I learned at IHOP last week is that I don't know how to be in the prayer room without doing the leading part. I get restless, distracted, and just don't know how to enter in with God. I had a dream while I was there...A LARGE man held me in his arms, and danced with me. I could only see him from the shoulders down, and he was HUGE, not fat...just HUGE. I was overwhelmed in my dream, and while I was awake with the emotions that I felt by just being held and danced with by such a large man...it was so safe and comforting. Words just cannot describe how wonderful it felt. ( I realize this is a very female version of being the Bride, but I imagine for men it might be something like being a small child and having your large grandfather holding you and twirling around with you...) So, I'm in the prayer room on Sunday, and I'm saying to God, I want to feel that a lot...I want you to dance with me. I NEED you to dance with me, to hold me. And, I felt myself (maybe it was the Holy Spirt, but my voice...I haven't sorted all that out) saying...You want Me (God) to dance with you (Mandy), but you are not willing to dance with ME. I guess I was expecting Him to do it all Himself. So, the next step on my journey will be learning how to innundate myself in the Word of God meditating, praying it, writing it...and entering into prayer for myself, for others, in the spirit, and fasting,... Set aside scheduled time, like hours each day. Grace, grace, God...give me your grace to do it. Amen
It increases my desire to be here at IHOP-KC. Well a few desires, really. First and foremost...it is all about Jesus. I was reminded of that yestereday. We spent a lot of time meeting people from all over yesterday, and talked a lot about our ministries. Last night, I thought...I've talked about ministry more than how great is the love of Jesus. Without the burning flame of the Holy Spirit revealing more of His love everyday...there is no ministry to talk about. So, today...I want to focus on Jesus.
That being said, I'm sitting at Higher Grounds coffe shop. A guy is playing the piano exquisitley which makes me want to sing! People are milling around talking about the Lord, praying, drinking coffee. Its wonderful. What an environment! This is what we want for home. Not an IHOP cookie cutter, but a community of believers gathering, praying, encouraging, enjoying this life and the love of Christ together. That's IT!
Zephaniah 2:1 Gather yourselves together, yea, gather together, O nation not desired; 2 Before the decree bring forth, before the day pass as the chaff, before the fierce anger of the LORD come upon you, before the day of the LORD's anger come upon you. 3 Seek ye the LORD, all ye meek of the earth, which have wrought his judgment; seek righteousness, seek meekness: it may be ye shall be hid in the day of the LORD's anger.
Joel 2:15 Blow the trumpet in Zion, sanctify a fast, call a solemn assembly: 16 Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders, gather the children, and those that suck the breasts: let the bridegroom go forth of his chamber, and the bride out of her closet. 17 Let the priests, the ministers of the LORD, weep between the porch and the altar, and let them say, Spare thy people, O LORD, and give not thine heritage to reproach, that the heathen should rule over them: wherefore should they say among the people, Where is their God? 18 Then will the LORD be jealous for his land, and pity his people. 19 Yea, the LORD will answer and say unto his people, Behold, I will send you corn, and wine, and oil, and ye shall be satisfied therewith: and I will no more make you a reproach among the heathen:
This is my prayer...Lord, Gather your people, and dwell in the House of Prayer. Reveal to us the love of Christ, and let us be fully abandoned to ourselves and run after you. "How far will you let me go? How abandoned will you let me be?"-Misty Edwards
Taking a lunch break here at the conference, and using the public computer in the coffee shop.
This is an awesome gathering, and God is just reinfusing passion and desire for intimacy and revival in my heart. It has been so encouraging to meet people who have been "wrecked" by God, and we are saying...I don't know where I'm headed, but I'm not going back by God's great grace.
Shout-outs to my friends Greg Burnett and Greg Sullivan whose blogs I have been reading and was able to meet at this summitt! Praise God for new friends! Blessings!
I am leaving today for a leadership summit at IHOP-KC. I am really excited. There is a lady carpooling with me, so there will be a lot of new converstation and such. I am looking forward to meeting other people seeking transformation for their cities, and hearing clearly from the Lord. This is an exciting time, and I have much praise to give, much to be thankful for. Bless You, Lord.
Changing my blog skin to this one. There are some posts that have unreadable parts towards the bottom of the page, but I am working on changing the colors!
I have been at a Joyce Meyer Conference for the past 2 days, and it was really great! It was right downtown Indy, so I actually walked, and it was free, so that is amazing. I'm feeling like I'm going to get addicted to her in the next few months. I just felt a connection with her, and with her messages. She spoke on having joy during tough times, and I feel like there was a joy impartation. There will be much to share in the next few days! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His Holy Name.
I love Coldplay. All good gifts come from God, and this band has such a unique sound. A sound from the Lord...He would like it to be used for His Glory. When I listen to them, I just feel like I am floating in a river...the sound just flows. This song sounds a little different, but the words are profound. I was blown away when I heard it(Til Kingdom Come)...it is amazing how our innate desire for love lead us truthful feelings in our soul, but misplaced for love of our significant other. But, only Jesus can offer us unconditional, soul fulfilling love... "`Til Kingdom Come: Smash Feature Performance" By Coldplay
I am feeling very excited in spirit and flesh. The Elijah List posted a transcription of an interview with Kim Clement from an appearance on TBN. Some is him sharing insight into past prophecies, and at the end, he began to prophecy. He has prophecied about something taking place on October 31, and that after that a 4 year revival like this nation has NEVER seen will be ushered in. He says the Lord showed him visions in 1994 of purgings and then the greatest revival that we have ever seen that would begin at the end of October 2005. He compares what is happening in this nation as similar to one of Noah's experiences. When Noah sent out the dove after the judgement and the waters had receded, the dove was looking for a place to rest. The Holy Spirit is looking for a place to rest. Then, he talks about when God gives you a word, that the exact opposite can happen (at first) because the enemy comes against it, but God gives us the word, and we have it as a weapon to break the power of contradiction. Let me tell you a story. Two years ago, Dan graduated from grad school, and had a full-ride scholarship to the #1 doctorate of physical therapy program in the nation. Then, God began speaking to him about being a doctor. This is something that we had discussed and said he would NEVER do because it was not for him. After 3 months of wrestling and struggling with this, we decided...YES, God is calling him to be a doctor. He gave up the scholarship. We canceled a trip to Europe that was completely paid for by our friend, and he went back to school for 1 year of pre-requisites, and took the MCAT twice. That was step #1. Step #2. Getting into medical school is difficult. They say like a crap shoot. Dan applied to 14 schools in Nov. 2004 and by March 2005 had 13 rejection letters. Indiana University was our only hope, but it did not look promising for a number of reasons. In January 2005 the Holy Spirit instructs us to sell our home, and 3 rental properties that we owned. In March, I went to IHOP-KC for a conference, and had personal prophecy. A woman told me that I had a lot of questions, and the Lord would begin to answer them in 3 days. Three days later we accepted an offer to sell our home. Five days after that Dan had an encounter with the Spirit of God, and recieved a set of instructions and prophecies concerning medical school and our families.
This is what the Lord said...Dan, you will be going to medical school at Indiana University in Indianapolis. Let this prophecy be fulfilled in you...the last shall be first. You will be the last to get into medical school, but will be first in your class. This blessing is because of the obedience of your wife. And also the obedience of your parents and in-laws. Your brother will be saved, and your family will be released to do mighty works for the Lord. Then, the Lord gave him a sign as he was driving. There was a car about 1000 ft behind him and the Lord says that car is a police car. The police car drove by and the Holy Spirit says that is a sign from God. The last instruction was not to be ashamed to proclaim this word, and not feel like we have to protect God in case we heard wrong.
So, we tell people that Dan will be going to medical school at IU. They ask about the acceptance letter, and we say, no letter, but we have heard from God. We plan a Sunday to look for condos in Indy, and the day before a new one comes on the market. We go see it, and it is bigger and $70,000 less expensive than the one we thought we were going to buy. Immediatley, we knew that this was the place for us. So, we put in a full price offer and it is accepted the next day, Monday. Tuesday, Dan get his acceptance letter from IU.
Now, here we are living in our condo, and Dan is going to medical school. The whole thing is a miracle.
ME This is a picture of myself that I took while I was driving. (not recommended for amateurs) I messed with it a bit, obviously, but I like it. Also, I don't wear my hair over my eye. In fact, I can't stand that, but it was fun for just one teeny tiny photo.
Tonight (technically last night) Dan came home from school feeling a little tired, and down. We had the condo to ourselves (my brother-in-law is living with us for awhile), so I suggested that we pray together. Dan didn't feel much like praying, but he said it would be okay for me to pray for him. This is the moment I've been waiting for... drumroll please. You see, I've always been the weaker, less spiritual, more sinful of the two of us. So, I thought this was my moment to really show Dan how I am learning to interceed from spending my days at the House of Prayer. After all, I am an OFFICIAL intercessory missionary, now. So, I pray the Ephesians 3 apostolic prayers for spirit of wisdom and revelation, and strength and might on by the Spirit on his inner man. The whole time I'm kind of peeking at Dan to see how hes feeling. I struggle through the prayers kind of repeating myself...not fluent or authoritative at all. And we finish, and he looks the same, sounds the same.
I left to go to City HOP, and on the way I'm just kind of laughing at my expectations. I really thought I could impress Dan. I'm not depressed or anything because I don't think it was a pride issue. It was more that I just wanted to really be able to stand in the gap for him for once, and minister to him. You know contribute something valuable on a spiritual level.
In the end, a prayer is a prayer is a prayer. However, I look forward to the day when I can really minister to him.
What a beautiful day today. It was cool and so sunny. I had brunch with my parents and the kids (my awesome niece and nephew Lilly, 4 and Tyler, 18 months). We went to the city park after and played with the kids. They had a blast. It is awesome to do that kind of stuff with them. Its not stressful and it an easy atmosphere for them to behave.
Dan went to sleep around 8:00pm. I am glad, because he will need to be refreshed and strengthed for this week. God, give him strength and might on his inner man by Your Spirit.
Mike Bickle had a great message tonight about Hungering for Righteousness. I love the practicality of what he has to say. Did you know that this verse Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Mt. 5:6) actually means physical hunger and thirst? So, it is refering to fasting for the FULLNESS of God. I thought it just meant a strong desire. But, fasting makes much more sense. I am praying for the grace to fast. He also talked about praying as a pre-emptive strike to temptation, and that only the pure in heart will SEE God. (Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Mt. 5:8) So, to be pure in heart is to resist temptation and be free from sin. Sounds like a lofty goal, but the Holy Spirit EMPOWERS us to be obedient. Such revelation has come through that man to the body. I have great respect for him. So, more revelation, God. I desire to SEE You and be filled with the fullness of You. Blessed are You, Adonai, pure and holy God. There is none like You. Baruch ata Adonai Eloheynu Melech Ha-OlahmA-sher Kid-sha-nu Al Y'dey emu-nahB'Yeshua HaMoshiach Or Ha-OlamUvishmo Madlikim Ha-nair Shel Shabbat. Blessed are You O' Lord our God, King of the UniverseWho has santified us by Your word and has given us Yeshua, the Messiah, the Light of the world. Shalom
I had so much energy last night, and it kind of continued while I was sleeping.
In my dream, I was following my favorite teacher from high school, Mrs. E (I went to a Christian school). We were both in our cars. She pulled into the parking lot of my old church/high school and disappeared. There were many people streaming out of the building dressed in their Sunday finest, but they all walked forward like zombies with blank eyes and blank faces. I recognized many people from my past. I even passed my mom dressed in a pastel pink dress. She was wearing pearls and had her hair and make-up done. She looked just as I remember her from about 10-15 years ago. As I gazed into her face I thought she looked sad and blank and even though she is older, now, she looks more vibrant and peaceful. Everyone emptied out the building and I felt exhausted, so I laid down. I felt like I must stay there until the people came back. Then, one lone person, Mr. N, the principal of my school came through the building turning the lights out. I was so happy to see him, and I was about to tell him something, but then I woke up.
This morning I just feel a burden to share this amazing revelation of the knowledge of Jesus. I spent my entire youth going to church and knowing the Gospel and the truth about Jesus. I knew how to act like a Christian, but I never KNEW Him. It didn't CHANGE me. I felt like I was playing a game or putting on an act. How can I not tell them, these people from my past... Now, I'm not saying that all of the people in my past do not know Jesus on an intimate level. There are a few that stand out, and I know that they do. But, I spent years at this place with the people who did not teach me to know Him. They only taught me ABOUT Him. The head knowledge did not usher me into His presence. It did not give me a desire to commune with Him. It did not empower me to become pure.
We did forsake the world. We didn't wear pants even, or see movies...ect. But, there was some ugly stuff inside me, that I covered up with dresses and singing in the choir. Then, when I understood that none of that was real to me, I fell into lisciveousness, sin. I tried to do every worldly thing I could possibly do and go to church on Sunday, Wednesday, sing on the worship team, lead the youth group. I thought it was "cool". I could say to the world..."hey, look at me, I'm just like you, but I'm a Christian, too." What a TRAP and a LIE. Both ends of the spectrum. It wasn't until 2 years ago that I realized...I DON'T KNOW HIM. When I admitted that, I started to hear truth from John Bevere and Mike Bickle that I had never heard before. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. He desires you. You must forsake the world and iniquity, and the Holy Spirit made a way for that...He ENABLES you to be obedient.
Immediatley, I was convicted of things, and I started being obedient. The first thing the Holy Spirit said was to quit being a youth leader and the worship team and start being a wife FIRST. I was so busy in the church in "ministry". Dan had been asking me to slow down for months. So, I did it, and it was hard. Church leaders don't like you to quit ministry to be a better wife. (At least mine didn't) Next, I needed to get out of debt...a major sore spot in my marriage. I started handing over my check to Dan, and he paid my credit cards off one by one, and I didn't spend money on hardly anything frivolous. It took 12 months, but I was debt free this May...$11,000.00. Another trap. Then, I learned off all kinds of bitterness in my life that was actully keeping me from moving forward. Bitterness from high school friends and teachers and boyfriends. I went back to people, and said...forgive me for holding these things in my heart. I want to bless you, and release these feelings. If we see each other in Wal-Mart lets hug and enjoy that time instead of being embarrassed. I couldn't believe how liberating that was. After talking with the first person, I hung up the phone, and just started laughing...it was the joy of the Lord. He replaced my bitterness with joy! Amazing.
Anyway, that was just the beginning and its nice to look back and see that the Lord is Good. He is Faithful. He is Loving. He trades ashes for beauty, joy for mourning. He awakened my soul and my spirit from death like slumber. He breaths the breath of LIFE. Praise Him. Hallelujah.
Speaking of ENERGY. Kim Clement has had some prophecies about a new energy source that was only released as the Big "E". It is truly an amazing word about a source of energy coming from the soil. He sees it in garbage and bugs are eating it, and people will be floored because it has been there all the time. God says that it will free the United States from being dependent on Middle Eastern oil, and will pay the national deficit within 6 years of its release. Whatever company of the Big "E" is on Nasdaq, so we should all invest as soon as we know which company it is. Oh...I can hardly wait. Go God!
I love the prophetic. It is so encouraging. God speaks! He cares about us. He cares about me! He has a plan for me! WOOHOO!!!
Wow! I have so much energy. I can't go to sleep, yet.
I REALLY want to go to the Kim Clement meeting tomorrow night. But, NOBODY will go with me. Bummer...Kim Clement is the real deal.
Dan and I had a nice "date" tonight. We walked to Starbucks and then walked to a park downtown with a nice fountain and stuff to sit and talk. Then, we came home and played games and watched a movie. Its nice just to BE together. Next week is going to be a stressfull week. (that word looks weird...is it stresful, stressful?)Anyway, he has 1 biochemestry lecture each day next week, and that is his most difficult class right now. Then, he has a test on Monday after that. Medical school is kind of different because their classes don't follow a typical university schedule. One of Dan's classes finished after 4 weeks. Two of them didn't start until a couple weeks ago. Every week, his schedule is different. I guess that keeps it interesting. He is working so hard. It is unimaginable how difficult medical school is. I can't even describe the kind of dedication Dan has. God, give him strength. Peace out.
Wow! Today has been amazing. The weather is just beautiful...sunny, breezy, cool. I lead harp and bowl today at City HOP. I took a little more time to plan out some scriptures, and the songs that go with as well as the key changes and stuff. Usually, I just have a stack of songs, the apostolic prayers and my Bible and lets see what happens. Thats fun, but today was fun, too. After reading Psalm 29 yesterday, I was just really struck by those words...Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness. It goes on to describe the voice of the Lord. It answered some of the questions I was having like how do we gaze upon God's beauty. So, today, we sang through that Psalm and just focused for the whole set on God's holiness and beauty. I can't even describe how that lifted my spirits. I feel like its a brand new day. So, now, of course, I am at home and I am annoying Dan because I am hyper. I just want to TALK!!! We are going for a walk to Starbucks in a little bit. Also, I am thinking about always having the radio off in my car. I left it off today, and it was nice to just have silence. I wasn't trying hard to hear God, but I was just being quiet and I liked it. Here is Psalm 29 for your reading pleasure... Ps 29:1 Give unto the LORD, O you mighty ones, Give unto the LORD glory and strength. 2 Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name; Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. 3 The voice of the LORD is over the waters; The God of glory thunders; The LORD is over many waters. 4 The voice of the LORD is powerful; The voice of the LORD is full of majesty. 5 The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars, Yes, the LORD splinters the cedars of Lebanon. 6 He makes them also skip like a calf, Lebanon and Sirion like a young wild ox. 7 The voice of the LORD divides the flames of fire. 8 The voice of the LORD shakes the wilderness; The LORD shakes the Wilderness of Kadesh. 9 The voice of the LORD makes the deer give birth, And strips the forests bare; And in His temple everyone says, "Glory!" 10 The LORD sat enthroned at the Flood, And the LORD sits as King forever. 11 The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace. (NKJV) Blessed by the Name of the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel. He is Holy. He is Beauty. Amen and Shalom
Today has been very good. I made french toast for breakfast. Dan is on fall break, but he went to school to meet with professors and study. I made crockpot chili this morning, so maybe after dinner, we can walk to Starbucks. I'm staying home from The Gathering since there might be a chance for us to hang out. I need to take advantage of every opportunity we get.
I have been listening to the IHOP stream, but today it is Forbidden. Too bad. I'll have to pick up some CDs next time I visit...which is...the end of this month. Yep, I'm going to the Heartland Transformation Summit. Exciting. Smaller group...like 350, so that will be great! I'm also going to the Passion and Intimacy with Jesus Conference the beginning of November. We are taking a couple of first timers with us. That is exciting too, because going out there has been life changing for everyone I have known that has been to IHOP-KC.
I read some Psalms today, and I tried to contemplate them. I did read one thing that lead to a small revelation. Ps 29:2 Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name; Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. (NKJV) His holiness is beautiful. Thats how we gaze on His beauty...he is holy. There is none like Him. His qualities that are perfect and true speak beauty to us. So, one small step for me.
Thank you, Abba, for the beauty of Your holiness. I give you the glory due Your name. You are truth. You are light. You are perfect in Your righteousness. There is no God like You. Amen and Shalom
A few weeks ago, I heard Allen Hood say in his "Exellencies of Christ" teaching that we need to get repentance over in the first 2 minutes and spend the rest of our time gazing on God's beauty. In the beholding and becoming verse. ..2Co 3:18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. (NKJV) We are transformed into the image that we gaze upon. If we spend our prayer time gazing upon our filthiness and unrighteousness, there is no transformation. This is a revelation to me.
Well, today, someone else kind of added to that for me...she said "We spend all our prayer time in supplication...Lord give me this." I realized, I spend a lot of time asking to hear Him, to see Him, to know Him...to be filled with the Spirit, to be filled with the fullness. Maybe I should learn to gaze upon His beauty, and some of that will happen in the meantime. How do we gaze upon His beauty? I worship God through song, but find it different in just thinking or speaking. Is reading the Psalms and Gospels gazing on His beauty...we find His attributes there. And when you read it, is it just reading through...once or a few times? Read the same thing over and over? Read lots of chapters at once? How do you contemplate and meditate?
I know these are probably elementary questions, but that is where I find myself when I am holding my Bible. Kind of who, what, when, where, and how much...
Two days ago, I read the first 25 chapters of Psalms. I guess tomorrow I'll continue with that, and when I pray, I will worship Him and tell Him His attributes...after I ask to see, know, hear and be filled!
So, I came to City HOP to lead harp and bowl for the 12-2pm. I wasn't sure what to sing or pray, but the desires of my heart came forth. As they did, the Holy Spirit offered up a few words, too. Here is a sampling: We started withSarah Kelly's All I Want. I draw near to You, You draw near to me. And I bow at Your feet, and I lay down my dreams. Its whatever You want from me, Lord, I will do. This is my worship to You. And You are all I see, You are all I see. The world fades away. With all my heart and all my soul and all my mind and strength, I worship You. Draw near to me, O God. I worship You. This from sponaneous singing-- Let me not waste another day questioning Your ways. Your ways are higher than my ways. I need Your strength to face today. I need Divine might from deep within (a line from Misty Edwards on Dwayne's Apolistic Prayers CD) Fill me, How can I wait another day. I must have You. (Another good Misty line) So, needless to say...I feel much better. God is abounding in love and mercy. His kindness never ends. He is God and there is no other. So, I will praise Him and continue to seek His face as he puts the coal to my lips and purges ugliness out of me so I can be beautiful before Him.
There are so many emotions and thoughts swirling inside of me. I just want to know, hear and see Him. I want to know Jesus, now. I used to be terrified at the thought of meeting Him at the end of the age. Now, I know that is because it would have been meeting Him for the first time. I don't want Jesus to say...Depart from me, I never knew you. And I would say, but I sang songs in your name that moved people to tears. Many called me annointed. Still he says...Depart from me, I never knew you. This is an agonizing thought because I have searched my soul and I have seen how that could happen. After all, I spent the first 26 years of my life playing the game, pretending, working in the church. Its terrifying--a great deception leading to a falling away. God help me. I need You.
I want to be a good wife, and have a loving relationship with my husband. He is destined for great things, and I am a part of supporting that. When I look at him, now, I see a man who is determined and dedicated like no one I've ever known. The hours he puts into studying--I could never do it. I admire his strength and character. He is a rock. I love him. I don't even want to imagine my life without him. If only I could be the kind of wife he would be proud of...instead of always disappointing, failing.
God, hear my prayer. I repent of questioning You, of having doubt, fear, and anger. Cleanse my heart and renew a contrite spirit in me. Let me know You. That is all I desire. Amen and Shalom
It is embarassing to talk about this especially looking back at previous thoughts and posts. I feel naive. Anyway, I was so excited and felt really good about my day yesterday. I bought tons of groceries. I'm trying out a new theory of stocking up because we were always running out of groceries, and I got tired of going to Wal-Mart and Sams everyday. So, I pick Dan up from school, and we come home. Dinner is ready...I think this is the best roasted chicken I have ever made. However, our conversation went something like this: M-Suprise, Happy Canadian Thanksgiving dinner. D-How much money did you spend? He's looking around at all the groceries that won't fit into the cabinet. M-Only around $200, but I got everything that we could need for a long time. Trust me, it will be fine.D-... Well, I'll spare you the gory details, but it boiled down to Dan feeling even more stressed out because of spending too much money. It couldn't come at a worse time considering he has a test this morning. So, we basically, ate cold dinner, alone.
Now, when something this awful happens, I feel like running away. FLIGHT. How ironic considering Sunday I was ready to press in and FIGHT. But, yesterday, I felt like giving up. So many questions...
Like, I've been praying to hear from God. Jesus said, If you being evil can give good gifts to your children, How much greater gifts with the Father give you.So, even yesterday on the way to buy groceries, I'm praying in the car...I want to hear your voice. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I even had a time of silence so I could hear, but I didn't hear anything. I was so happy buying these groceries and making dinner...you know being a wife. If I was doing all this stuff that would lead to such stress for Dan, and I'm praying to hear from the Holy Spirit--Why did I feel so good about everything?
So, last night, I'm questioning God...Do you really love me? Do you answer prayers? Will I ever hear Your voice? Will I ever really know You?
Sometimes, I don't know.
This morning...new issue. How do I pray, now, after questioning God. How do I pray? What do I say? How about leading harp and bowl at noon. What do I sing? What can I say to God?
Today is Canadian Thanksgiving and I am suprising Dan with a roasted chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes and asparagus dinner! What fun. I love cooking! I am listening to Dwayne Roberts Apostolic Prayers at www.ihop.org/stream. Rooted and grounded in love! Thats what I need. I am wanting to hear the Holy Spirit. I have never heard clearly; never had a dialouge. I've had impressions, and felt strongly about things. Mostly directions for my life. I want more. I want to hear His voice. Also, I do not have a prayer language, and I want one. I feel like something is missing with my communion with God. I need to hear and see and know.
Here is something else that has been troubling me. It says in 1 Jn. that if any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. When I first understood that I was going through the motions and not seeking to KNOW Jesus, one of the first issues was being supportive to Dan and laying down "ministry" at church. I put ministry in quotes because I was ministering from myself and did not have the first commandment (love the Lord, your God with all your heart, soul and mind) in first place. Second, I needed to stop watching so much TV. I had 2 TIVOS and watched all kinds of shows very faithfully. I estimate I was watching 25-30 hours of TV each week. I am now down to 8 hours each week.
All that said for this question...how much TV, movies, entertainment, even just hanging out with friends is okay. Is ALL TV or ANY TV detrimental to being intimate with Jesus? Is it justifiable to be entertained? One of my friends sees this kind of thing as seperate from his spirit. He calls is soul time, and says that God wants us to be complete...body, soul and spirit, and we can't just focus on one part. I'm not sure myself. I just know that I don't want to love the world. I've been in that bondage, and I don't want to go back. Right now, I feel like I'll give up anything just to hear His voice. Thats all I want. Thats all I care about. Easier said than done, though...I was thinking as I played poker on my computer this afternoon. HMMMM.
When things get tough (in the spiritual and natural) we have two choices. Our most basic instincts kick in and its FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Thats how I feel right now in many ways. Its a difficult time for Dan in school. FIGHT OR FLIGHT. We are finding it hard to connect and talk...have a relationship. Our home is crowded spiritually and naturally. FIGHT OR FLIGHT. God seems distant. Will I ever hear His voice? FIGHT OR FLIGHT. The world is shaking and quaking...How can I be ready? FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Jesus is returning, but I want to KNOW Him now. FIGHT OR FLIGHT.
Of the two choices, I choose FIGHT. I don't want to be an ostrich with my head in the sand. There will be a great falling away, and I do not want to be decieved. So, the answer to each of these problems is the SAME. How cool is that? One answer for ALL our problems.
Press in. Find God. Be rooted and grounded in His love. He loves me so much. He loves Dan so much. Our destiny is found in ONENESS with HIM. God, shine Your Light into our darkness. Illuminate us by the love of Jesus Christ. Spirit of Revelation reveal the very love of Christ. Align us with light, truth and love. Help us to know You. Make a Way, O God, where there is no way. Perform Your work through us. In the name of Jesus. Amen and Shalom
Today the Lord has bathed me in the sweet waters of revelation! This is thanks to some wonderful ladies who are teaching at the IHOP Women in Prophetic Conference which we have been webcasting. This morning, Gloria Willard spoke of the 5 Prophetic Seasons of David's Life. It is amazing how this is to parallel the seasons in our life. Here is a brief overview-- 1. Bethlehem. Where David was a shepherd. His life was about solitude and intimacy with the Lord. He played the harp and sang while he watched his sheep. He was also a servant. He watched over the sheep, and his father sent him as errand boy. He learned to serve behind the scenes in intimacy with God and meekness before man. 2. Gibea. After David slew Goliath he was promoted and praised by man. Men recognized the annointing and favor of God in his life. He moved to the kings palace and married the kings daughter. He had fame throughout the land. But, he still went to Bethlehem to serve his family. He did both. His character was tested by promotion, prominence and praise. 3. Adullam. David hid in a cave from 3000 men who were hired to kill him. 400 soldiers who were distressed, discontennted and in debt stayed with him and he became their captian. God seems distant and faint. This season is about finding our identity in God. It is about crushing our desires and realighning our hearts with God's desires and will. It is refining. God changes our season, but he does not change our destiny. David was destined to be king, but he had to spend dark nights in the cave being refined before God could usher him into his destiny. This is about being rooted and grounded in the love of Christ.
Eph. 3:16-19 ...(that I would be)strenghtened with might through His Spirit in (my) inner man, that Christ may dwell in (my) heart through faith; that (I), being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that (I) may be filled with all the fullness of God.
The dark night is about firmly establishing this in our lives. We need to be confident in God's love for us, but the accuser comes against us with doubt, fear and unbelief.
3. Hebron. Saul died, and David asked the Lord if he should go and become king. The Lord says no, you're not ready yet. Go and rule over 1 of the 12 tribes. God says, you are not ready to have the fullness of your destiny in me, but I will give you a portion. God demands the response of our fullness being in Him and not our destiny. Then, we do not NEED our destiny. We only NEED Him. He is our reward. 4. Zion. David becomes king, but his only desire is to dwell in the house of the Lord and gaze upon His beauty. God can use David because he is rooted and grounded in love that will sustain him through all adversity. He has died to his self and his desires. He will do whatever God asks of him and do it with joy and peace. There will still be pressures, persecutions and pain, but he has learned how to be sustained in the river of God's love.
WOoHOo!!! God is working stuff out through me. Thats why I have good days and bad days. He is refining me until I desire Him more than my destiny. He seems far away, but He is there watching and waiting until the perfect time has come. He really loves me. He really desires me. I've been through Bethlehem and Gibea. I've had some tremedous Abdullah's. I've moved into Hebron, but somedays I go back to that cave at Abdullah. (Should I say weeks?) I have just a taste here at City HOP of what He created me to do. But, there is much refining ahead. There is much to learn, much to hear, much to see. It is amazing how an understanding of the season you are in and God's purpose gives you a bolster of faith. Its like..okay God, I was in the depths of despair, but I can see that You are working something out in me. You haven't forgotten me. In fact, You are orchestrating my seasons to bring me closer to You. WOW!!! So, we say...thank you for this cave. Thank you for this pain, Soverign God. You are mindful of me, even when You seem far away. You are always mindful of bringing me close to You. Hallelujah.
This is an overwhelming time for me. Personally, I am struggling to find my place in my home and balance that with City HOP. Consequently, time spent with Dan is a little edgy on both of our parts. He is trying to find his place in medical school and it has been difficult for him, too. Its frustrating because we have such limited time together, and I'm being edgy and agitated! Help me, God! The atmosphere of the world feels edgy to me, too. There is so much going on in this global spiritual battle. I feel unsettled. God is the ultimate power and authority, so I don't feel afraid. I just want to be hidden in Him. I want to be filled with His Spirit. Looking back, I cry "Why did I wait so long? Is it too late?". How I desire the fullness of God. Its almost as if I cannot bear it. My stomach feels like it just might burst. The hunger for Him is overwhelming. How can I find You? What can I do? Am I even capable of recieving Your fullness? But, there is nothing I can do except ask. It is not of my strength. It is not of my capabilities. All I can do is say "Yes, Jesus, I will seek You. Yes, God, I desire You. Fill me with Your Spirit. Fill me with the fullness of God. Help me to recieve. In Jesus name." So, thats what I'll do. You do the rest, Abba.
Today was the first day of a 3 day fast. The headache came on early for me!! Of course, yesterday I was trying to satisfy my cravings in anticipation of fasting. I don't think that helped very much. I made it through about 7:00. Tomorrow, I will try again. Try, try again.
This morning I dyed my hair, and I really like it. Its kind of plum-red or crushed garnet as they called it. I also finished Dan's laundry and cleaned our bedroom. I even made the bed, so that felt good.
Today I have just been filled with thoughts of knowing God. I get so excited when someone I know hears or sees things so clearly from God. Its awesome! Dan hears and sees, and it makes me jealous. I can only go so far on someone elses hearing and seeing. I want it for ME! I want to hear His voice. Its like my heart is just aching and crying out....I want to hear You, God. Speak to me!! Only You can quench this insatiable desire, only You can satisfy this longing of my heart. Encounter me...visit me....draw me away into Your secret place. I am yearning for You. My heart feels as if it might burst within me. Where can I find You? Do not hide Your face from me. You are Adonai who created me and loved me before the foundation of the world, and you love me in spite of my weakness. You are ravished by one glance of my eye, and I do not want to take my eyes off You. Fix my gaze upon You. Set my face like flint, that I would not turn one way or the other. Abba, be my Father. Jesus, be my Lover. Spirit, be my Guide. Amen and Shalom
This has been a rough week. Some days are better than others. Friday, I was a wreck, and I woke up Saturday and felt much better. Its strange really. I guess thats life, though. We heal as we sleep. I am just now realizing the importance of prayer. I didn't know how to pray before. It just felt like I was talking to myself or the ceiling. That was because of me, and where I was. I was focused on me, and what I was hearing and how my life was going. Allen Hood said it is time to get the repentance over with in the first two minutes, and spend the rest of our time gazing on the beauty of the Lord. What a revelation! If we spend all our time in introspection...well, what are we inspecting? If I inspect my wicked heart all day long, I am bound to feel pretty bad. Instead, I need to inspect Jesus, Abba, the Holy Spirit--the heart and emotions of God. How exciting is that! Thats what I want...to fall in love with my Savior, and to sit at His feet gazing on His beauty! Rabbi, teach me. Tomorrow is the beginning of the 3 day Global Bridegroom Fast which occurs on the first M-W of every month. This is our first time participating at City HOP. We are beginners, so we need to pray for the grace of fasting. I am planning to spend lots of time at City HOP, and see how it goes. Thursday is the beginning of the Women in the Prophetic Conference which we are webcasting, so this will be a big week. I think I'm up for it.
Dan and I were able to spend a little bit of time together this weekend. This will be a difficult season for us in more ways than one, but we are called and chosen--and go by the grace of God. Without that, I would be as one who is in the pit.
God, give us strength and might through the power of the Holy Spirit. You have placed our feet upon this path, and we need your strength to walk in it. Protect the sanctity of our marriage, and raise us up as husband and wife that honor You. May we be supportive and loving to each other. Cleanse and sanctify our home and make it a place of refuge and peace. Thank you God, for your abundant love and endless mercy. There is no God like You. Amen and Shalom.
PS...I ask You to pour out Your Spirit in Jerusalem and bring peace to Your city and Your people. Sha'alu Shalom Yerushalim "Pray for the peace of Jerusalem" Ps. 122:6a
Ps 27:4 One thing I have desired from the LORD, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to pray in His temple.(MKJV)
About Me
Name: Mandy Home: United States About Me: I'm Mandy. Wife, mother, worship leader, photographer and lover of Jesus.
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