It is embarassing to talk about this especially looking back at previous thoughts and posts. I feel naive. Anyway, I was so excited and felt really good about my day yesterday. I bought tons of groceries. I'm trying out a new theory of stocking up because we were always running out of groceries, and I got tired of going to Wal-Mart and Sams everyday. So, I pick Dan up from school, and we come home. Dinner is ready...I think this is the best roasted chicken I have ever made. However, our conversation went something like this: M-Suprise, Happy Canadian Thanksgiving dinner. D-How much money did you spend? He's looking around at all the groceries that won't fit into the cabinet. M-Only around $200, but I got everything that we could need for a long time. Trust me, it will be fine.D-... Well, I'll spare you the gory details, but it boiled down to Dan feeling even more stressed out because of spending too much money. It couldn't come at a worse time considering he has a test this morning. So, we basically, ate cold dinner, alone.
Now, when something this awful happens, I feel like running away. FLIGHT. How ironic considering Sunday I was ready to press in and FIGHT. But, yesterday, I felt like giving up. So many questions...
Like, I've been praying to hear from God. Jesus said, If you being evil can give good gifts to your children, How much greater gifts with the Father give you.So, even yesterday on the way to buy groceries, I'm praying in the car...I want to hear your voice. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I even had a time of silence so I could hear, but I didn't hear anything. I was so happy buying these groceries and making dinner...you know being a wife. If I was doing all this stuff that would lead to such stress for Dan, and I'm praying to hear from the Holy Spirit--Why did I feel so good about everything?
So, last night, I'm questioning God...Do you really love me? Do you answer prayers? Will I ever hear Your voice? Will I ever really know You?
Sometimes, I don't know.
This morning...new issue. How do I pray, now, after questioning God. How do I pray? What do I say? How about leading harp and bowl at noon. What do I sing? What can I say to God?
Ps 27:4 One thing I have desired from the LORD, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to pray in His temple.(MKJV)
About Me
Name: Mandy Home: United States About Me: I'm Mandy. Wife, mother, worship leader, photographer and lover of Jesus.
I'm here to showcase my work as a beginning photographer and to build a portfolio.
I enjoy photographing children and families. It is a wonderful experience to capture the essence and beauty of a person in an image. See my complete profile
