How timely this account of great healing, you will see.
So, I sang with the worship team for this Elijah list sponsored conference in Indianapolis. The first night, I felt a little ackward on stage holding a microphone. I haven't sang without playing an instrument for 4 years or so! That first night was tough--for all of us. The enemy was stirred up trying to prevent breakthrough for the city of Indianapolis. The next morning, their was a release in the Spirit. Worship flowed freely. Prophetic oracles went forth. It was 180 degrees from the evening before. We rejoiced in the greatness of God. We danced and warred for breaking down of strongholds in Indy. We beseeched God to open the Heavens and let His Glory descend upon us.
At this point, we were all spontaneously singing together, and I was singing "Let me see your Glory, God." Over and over I sang, "Let me see your Glory, God." As I watched from the stage, the people worshipping and praising our God, I was immediatley taken by the faces of two people. I felt so strongly Holy Spirit directed me to see. I didn't hear Holy Spirit speak, but I just knew, "There it is. There is the Glory of God upon their face. Pure, Holy, Shining." I was overcome with emotion. It was as if I felt God's emotion--His great love for these two people. (Of course, these were not the only two pure and loving people in the crowd , but for some reason, Holy Spirit highlighted these two to me.)
Later that day as I encountered one of the people Holy Spirit highlighted to me, a grandmotherly woman, she stopped me to speak. She spoke of my singing, and I told her of seeing God's glory upon her. It was a short, but wonderful exchange.
From that point forward during worship, I would feel this woman's eyes upon me. I would look her way, and our eyes would meet in brief moments. We would smile. I felt this loving connection with her.
Skip forward to Saturday morning. A dynamic young speaker, Justin Bradley, followed the leading of Holy Spirit and asked hurt intercessors to stand for ministry--in the middle of his speaking. Many, many people stood for prayer, and others gathered around just ministering God's love an healing to them. I prayed with a woman standing near me. ( I was in the back) When I finished, I looked all the way in the front, and I saw the grandmotherly woman standing and people gathered around her praying. They finished and she sat. There was an open chair next to her, so I went and sat.
She reached for my hand and we just sat hands grasped together. Neither of us said a word. She held my hand and I began to cry tears streaming down. Overwhelmed with compassion, love and appreciation for her light, her strength, her wisdom, I sat in silence tears washing my face.
The worship team was called to the stage, so I hugged her and said, "I appreciate you" and she said, "Thank you for your tears. They ministered to me".
I went to the stage, grabbed my mic and tried to sing, but I became undone with emotion. So, I left the stage, went all the way to the back wall (most everyone was in the front). The emotions swirling inside of me were grief and sorrow, and a little anger. So unexplainable. I was overwhelmed. I sat down and I wept. I wept for the loss of my grandparents. I wept for the gaping hole in my spirit. I felt what I wouldn't allow myself to feel. (The same emotions crept up at my grandpa's funeral, but I held them back. No way did I want to feel that right there in front of my family who were weeping for what they were losing at that moment. I was angry, then, too. I looked around and saw my cousins crying, and I thought, "Its not fair. You have no idea. I lost him so long ago.") I felt a divine invitation from Holy Spirit to feel and be healed. So, I wept. I grieved. I coughed and cried. I felt it so deep. The depth astonishing and frightening. The release came from the very core of my being.
Awesome God. Passionate Jesus. Gentle Holy Spirit. Healing me. I was filled with His love, and it came in human form from the grandmotherly woman. I was unshakeable in knowing that this woman loved me with the pure, holy love of God and that she was proud of me as a grandmother would be proud of her grandchild.
At the end of the conference, I decided to share how God used her. Her back was turned and I walked towards her, but she kept going around the seats, so I turned to go the other way. Maybe catch her near the back, I was thinkng. There were a couple people with her, and she got stopped periodically along the way never seeing me waiting in the distance. She walked through the doors and down the hallway. I started to follow her, but I got nervous. I felt like my 13 year old needy self following after teachers and ladies at church. I haven't felt that feeling for years. Then, I thought I'd better chase her down, so there were no regrets, and I went running down the hallway after her!
I shared how I felt her love when she took my hand, and how Holy Spirit healed me from grief and anger. And she looked at me and said, "I'm so proud of you. Just like a grandmother would be." I looked back and said, "I knew it!" I knew it by the Spirit. I knew it! I felt it! What a miracle! She doesn't even know my name, yet she allowed herself to love me and be proud of me, and God used her to help set me free from the pain of the past. And you know what? My heart is more tender. The barriers and walls came down, and the emotions of God flooded my soul.
I thank you, Faithful God who has a master plan. How You orchestrated my involvement with the conference. I thought it was about ministry and City HOP, and it was, but how good you are to release healing and love to me. You are so good. You are abounding in loving kindness. You are worthy of all praise, Holy God who was and is to come. How wonderful, how glorious You are.
Matthew 19:29 (New King James Version) 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.
That is so wonderful, Mandy. I have found that if I focus on what I think I need to get and require that before I move out to help others, it rarely happens. However, as I yield to His leading and minister in whatever way I can to others, God meets my needs. You'd think that after several lessons like that I'd get it through my head. Maybe soon.
Bless you Mandy for your story. It is risky to let God touch our places of pain, but the benefits are wonderful. We are enabled then, to share His emotions in such an intimate way. Keep singing Songbird!
Mark-Isn't it funny! I was so shocked that God had something in store for me personally! Mike-Thank you so much for your encouragement. This is my favorite kind of post. Something great that God has done. I love reading other people's, but its awesome to have your own testimony of His greatness. And, welcome, BTW. Nancy-Wow, you are right on. Risky, but the benefits ARE wonderful. That is a great statement. I didn't realize how this deep pain was hindering feeling God's emotion. Its been very eye opening.
Ps 27:4 One thing I have desired from the LORD, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to pray in His temple.(MKJV)
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Name: Mandy Home: United States About Me: I'm Mandy. Wife, mother, worship leader, photographer and lover of Jesus.
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That is so wonderful, Mandy. I have found that if I focus on what I think I need to get and require that before I move out to help others, it rarely happens. However, as I yield to His leading and minister in whatever way I can to others, God meets my needs. You'd think that after several lessons like that I'd get it through my head. Maybe soon.