To me, my path has been a long and winding road. Maybe it has taken me longer because at the beginning I was sure I had it all figured out. I studied English eduacation in college, but soon realized that I was taking the easy way out. I wanted a challenge, so I changed to special education, which I love. The class room is not the place for me, though. Neither was Indiana University. I started failing classes because I didn't go. I just hated school. During this time Dan and I were transitioning into marriage, responsiblility. I went to see an advisor who suggested general studies as a fast way to get me out of school with a degree. I had lots of credits in lots of general areas! Twenty more credit hours, and I could have a general studies degree. I finished 17 credits, and need 3 science hours to graduate. One class. But, I'm not really interested in finishing. Most people hate to hear that, so I'll apologize right away. I think its really ironic. People always asking me what I wanted to do. "Not sure." Next question..what is your degree? "Will be general studies. That doesn't narrow it down, does it?" In the midst of all of that, I became a real estate agent, and did that for a year. Dan and I bought a series of houses that we fixed up and re-sold, and a couple that we rented out. Now, that I really loved. I love finding places that just need TLC and turning them into a potential home. Picking out paint is my favorite part! We have been very successful at that, but it has never been a full-time endeavor, and won't be. I worked for a couple years for an agency that assists adults with developmental disabilities in the community. That was fun, we went shopping, and to the movies. I became attatched to some of my clients. Still, couldn't see me doing that for the rest of my life. I worked for my parents company for a year, which was long enough to pay off $11,000 in debt. I had stuggled with that problem for about 6 years. I've been debt free since May 2005. I did administrative stuff for them, not fun, but fun to be with family (for the most part:). This is becoming a complicated and long story, so I'll get to the point. What a struggle it has been. How uncomplete I have felt. Unworthy..like a stupid, nobody. Until, I opened my mouth to sing...
I want to introduce to you, my friend, Changing of the Heart. She is my mom's best friend. Her family, my parents, and Dan and I, are the founding people of City House of Prayer (City HOP). She is a very warm-hearted, and loving person with a heart for intimacy and intercession!
I am feeling like it couldn't be any more true at this moment. Continuing my early morning habit making, I dragged my sleepy head out of bed at 6:30am. After a cup of Starbucks Black Apron Kenya Kirinjaga(which someone gave me) with only splenda in it(I'm weaning off of 1/2 and 1/2!), I made breakfast and Dan's lunch. I dropped him off at school, and headed over to my best friend's house to give him a ride to the airport, stoppying by a local Starbucks for his favorite Venti, half-caf, non-fat, toffee nut latte, and some hot tea for me! I really enjoyed our hour together, and considering he will be gone for the next 3 weeks, really needed it!
Now, I am at our local bread company. I just finished a bowl of french onion soup, and I'm hanging out listening to Misty on my generic mp3 player that someone gave me, reading blogs, updating mine on my new laptop(gift, as well)!
My heart feels light, and I like it! Thank you, God for your blessings...abundance of joy and love.
Last night during a worship service, I realized that there is still a disconnection between what I know with my mind to be true, and what I experience with my heart and my spirit. For example. I know that Jesus loves me even in my weakness. When I first understood this, it was with my spirit. I could feel rise up within me from the pit of my stomach...this was truth. Now, that kind of resides in my mind. He loves me in my weakness. But, I desire to know more completley, more intensley, more experientially. At first, I kind of felt bad. I am proclaiming this truth. He loves me in my weakness. (of course this is just an example, and there are many others as well.)I sing it. I write it. I pray it. I tell my friends, acquatances, and sometimes absolute strangers! For a moment, I thought...maybe I am a fraud. Maybe I'm just saying stuff without really knowing it. And then, during the service, my friend quoted Psalm 45:1-
"My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Also,he considered Joshua 1:8-
"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it.
Then he said, "The way to write the word of God upon your heart is by your tongue. Do not let the promise, the truth of the word of God leave your mouth." Speak it, pray it, and it moves from your lips, and becomes rooted and grounded in your spirit. Psalm 49:3-
"My mouth shall speak wisdom, And the meditation of my heart shall give understanding."
I pray, God. May your truth not depart out of my mouth. May I sing it, pray it and speak it until it becomes steadfast and unmoveable within my spirit. May I experience the knowledge of Jesus deeper, and comprehend the width, the length, the depth, the height of His love. That you would fill me with the fullness of God.
Its unedited...just 1 hour and 20 minutes of devotional worship and worhsip with the word. Separated into 4 different tracks, but they are lengthy. Also, they are in the order that the were recorded. Forgive the mistakes! They are there.
Pictures of our kitchen which we did a complete overhaul of before we moved in. The cabinets are the same, but I painted them black and added other hardware. In case you ever want to paint cabinets, here are some tips...
1. Clean and prime with a high-tack latex primer 2. Get high gloss or enamel paint. I used enamel. 3. After you paint cabinets, seal with a latex sealant. Two coats is best.
If you follow these steps, your cabinets will be durable through most kitchen wear. Sharp knives and utensil can still scrape the paint off which is usually a small knick and easily touched-up. You can also follow these same steps for melamine counter tops which I have done, too!
This backplash is made from pieces of hammered copper and aluminum. It took me awhile to find copper...finally found it at Meinards. I just meaured pieces, cut them, and fixed them to the wall with liquid nail. I did paint behind the seams black that way if it showed through it wouldn't be something noticeable!
And lastly, this is a light fixture that we made from plywood which we painted black and added copper pieces to...then hung from the ceiling with s hooks and wire. If you look from the other room, you can see the light canisters on top of the fixture, but it looks kind of industrial!
Sorry if that was overwhelming. My favorite room I think, so lots of pics!!!
I have been forming a new habit these past three weeks, and this week has been a breakthrough. I have never been good at early mornings, and over Christmas break I really got back into staying up late and sleeping in. It was awesome! Since Dan started back to school, I've been trying to get up before he leaves so we can have breakfast and a little time together. The first 2 weeks it was pretty unsuccessful, but this week, I have been up everyday at least by 7am, and today by 6:30am. Been making breakfast and Dan's lunch!
O God, You are my God. Early will I seek You! Psalm 63:1
Christ in me making me a new creature every day!!!
We love coffee shops. It seems like a lot of times when I decorate, I get inspired by coffee shop or bistro kind of themes. Our kitchen is also kind of coffe shop inspired!
Nothing on the walls, yet, but my plan is to take black and white photos around the city, and blow them up to hang on the wall. That will probably take me a few months. Its good to have something to look forward to, though!!
Dan spends a lot of time studying in here, and when we were finished, he said, "This looks like a nice place to study." So, that made me very happy!!!
Rise up within me Holy Spirit. Enable me to be all you created me to be. As I gaze upon Your BEAUTY make me beautiful in the image of Creator. Would that I leave a wake a trail a path of love of beauty of grace. May every step I take be guided ordained by You, O Way Maker. Make a Way for me this day.
in the midst of all i need to accomplish today i ask You to be near to me may i find joy in mundane tasks may i bring glory to You in all that I do for though, i must do laundry, dishes--rest of my to do list all i want is to be with You all i desire is to be still and know You to be still and hear you speak to me from deep within as i do the laundry and dishes and other to do's may i know Your presence ever with me i fix my gaze i set my eyes upon You lover of my soul the One who gives meaning to the mundane the One who loves even in my weakness the One who cherishes when i deserve to be despised without You all is vain like a flower that fades You give to me JOY abiding living breathing speaking LOVE passionate glorious mysterious intimate LIFE abundant beautiful meaningful
Here are some pics of our dining room. I used the same paint in the entry way, but I wanted it to look very different. Took some creativity, but I think I accomplished that goal! :: ::
As promised photos of our condo. I just loved painting these white walls and transforming our condo into our home!
First, the ENTRY:
::
Tommorow...maybe the dining room or kitchen! I just love the procss of invisioning, creating, and enjoying. Of course, I'll want to do it all again in a few months! Ever changing me!
You know the enemy is still seeking to destroy and to devour what God has joined together. A miracle has taken place to the glory of God! They say that a bone that is broken heals back so strongly that it is not likely to break again in the same place, and I say this day, in Jesus name, what was broken is now healed and will not break in the same place! Praise Him!
"I am like a tree planted by rivers of living water. Waters of life. I will drink deep and live. I will live abundantly. I am like a house built upon the rock of Messiah. Foundation is FIRM. I will overcome and live. I will live abundantly. Waves crash, winds blow I'm unshakable, I'm unmoveable. My God says, whatever comes His way, He can handle it today. Nothing is to big to keep His love from me. No matter what they say, I am His and He is mine. No one can take that away from me. I proclaim this day, nothing can stand in my way. For the rest of my days I will sing His praise, I belong to Him and He belongs to me. "-eM
Moving on to the next crisis in my life: This is really hard to express, so if it sounds a little confusing, forgive me.
It has taken me a long time to discover what I want to do with my life. I've studied English, special education; been a real estate agent, and real estate investor, worked with adults with developmental disabilities. I didn't finish my degree which is in general studies. I had so many credits in different areas that general fit best! I am only one class away from finishing, but I'm not really interested.
I started singing and writing songs last year. I lead worship at my church and began singing spontaneously through prayers and scriptures, and fell in love with it. A few months later, I visited IHOP, and for the first time, witnessed harp and bowl. I felt like I had found the place for me! Along with singing, I love to create stuff. Decorating, painting, photography...I love all of that. It is important to me to be able to express myself in those ways. Lastly, I have had empathy/compassion for hurting people for as long as I can remember. There are strong desires within me to adopt children, and work in orphanages overseas, help homeless people, people with disabilities, help out in disaster relief...all of these things swirling around in me!
At the same time, I'm reading a book on the Sermon on the Mount. (Really good, and I'll give the reference later since I don't have it right here.) Anyway, the first one, "Blessed are the poor in spirit." is like the starting point for Christianity! It is basically realizing that we have NOTHING to offer God. Even our greatest gifts are filthy rags compared to His holiness and righteousness. The author says that until we come face to face with God Himself and see that we are/have nothing, that maybe we really haven't seen Him. Being poor in spirit is not being weak or sappy, non-confident person. Its more like humility. Its knowing I'm dark compared to His light.
So, how to balance that with the lovely. At the same time, my gifts and desires are inatley instilled in my by His design. He has a plan and purpose for my life that I alone can fulfill. Lots of people sing and play, create and love, but no one has my all of my exact desires. So, I'm replacable as a worship leader, artist, or disaster relief worker, but I'm not replacable as Amanda Michelle Cruse-Dawson.
I value what I do. I love to sing. I love my songs. I'm going to start travelling to sing and lead worship/harp and bowl. I will probably try to sell CDs and ask for people to partner with me. I'm asking people to value me, to buy my product, to invest in me and what I do. It is important to me that people want to do that, but that feels weird considering that my gifts are given to me for the glory of God, and not my own...I guess I'm asking people to invest in the God in me that is expressed in those specific ways.
Epiphony. That is the first time I realized that. This whole time I thought I was thinking all about me, and valuing my gifts and actually making them my identity in Christ. When all I really want is to be a lover of God...but that will be expressed through music, art and compassion. I need financial provision, so I guess to ask people to invest in that is not a bad thing.
Thanks to Mark D for the heads up on a comment problem for my blog...
This should work if you would like to make a comment click on the comment link which takes you back to the main page...then click on the "What is" section which opens up that post with a post a comment link. After you post a comment, you have to refresh the page and go back to the "what is" section, again...
If this is too confusing, still...i could change the template again!
Here are a couple of songs I have written since August. I recorded them yesterday at City HOP, and they are just demo quality...me and my piano. Especially Mighty God which I just did in two takes...forgive the warbles, squeaks, and so forth! Hope you like...Anyone who knows of a good producer, let me know!
I am currently writing from my NEW LAPTOP which I just got out of LayaWay TODAY. An awesome mistake happened...actually, two... So, my mom, friend Pam, and I went to WalMart at 11:00pm the night of Thankagiving, and stood in line until 5:00am to buy a HP laptop that was on sale for $379.00. It was a really basic unit, but a good deal none the less. Anyway, we all three got one, and put them in the layaway. A few days ago, I get a call from WalMart, and they tell me that a lady cancelled her laptop layaway, and my laptop got taken out and sold along with hers, so they did not have one for me. So, instead, they upgraded me to a $700 Toshiba laptop and gave it to me for the price of the HP! Then, they told me that my balance was $104.00, and last time I paid on it, the balance was like $235!
Also, I recieved an offering today off $100...as a signing bonus for becoming an administrative assistant for a local intenerant minister! So, I give God the glory. He is my Provider!
Been busy this week painting our office and the entry to our condo! Hard work, but feels good when its all done. Finally, like home! No more white walls. The office is chocolate brown on one wall, gold on the ceiling and one wall, deep red wall, and the other wall is dark blue. Coffee house theme! Fun!!
The entry way is artsy, and I can't really describe it, so I'll post some pics. I love it, though, and thats what matters!
Dan starts school again on Monday, so we are just hanging out the rest of this weekend. I'm looking forward to getting back to City HOP and singing and praying again. I have missed that. This has been an important time for us, so I don't feel guilty. It has been a time for us to get our priorities straight...God, then family, then career/school/ministry...a lesson learned that will change our lives forever! I guess we took this time to change the color of our walls, but also ensure that the spiritual walls are in place, and we take our place upon them!
La 3:22 Through the LORD'S mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. (NKJV)
New mercies every morning. That's how we feel with the beginning of a New Year. Its time for a fresh start. Time to put the past behind and look to the future. Funny though, that God has given us a New Year EVERY DAY! Every day is New Year's Day by the Grace and Love of God!
Ps 27:4 One thing I have desired from the LORD, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to pray in His temple.(MKJV)
About Me
Name: Mandy Home: United States About Me: I'm Mandy. Wife, mother, worship leader, photographer and lover of Jesus.
I'm here to showcase my work as a beginning photographer and to build a portfolio.
I enjoy photographing children and families. It is a wonderful experience to capture the essence and beauty of a person in an image. See my complete profile
