It was difficult growing up without my grandparents. I didn't always understand at the time, but things are clearer, now, as I look back. When I was around 11, I remember two women who came to our church. One was the mother of our pastor's wife. Lovely lady. Small with snow white hair, smooth face, and warm smile. I adored her. She visited several times each year, and I would hang on every word she said and follow her around like a lost puppy. I sat with her in church and enjoyed hearing the sound of our voices singing together. She sang harmony, and I was proud that I could sing along with her. I asked for her address and sent her letters when she was away. I don't remember what I would say, but she wrote back often. How kind of her. Then , a new lady came to our church who played the organ. She was not quite as old as our pastor's mother. She had short brown hair and a very sweet presence about her. Maybe she was shy or maybe I was shy, but we never really spoke. Instead, I would write her little notes and leave them in her pew. I thought it was a secret that I admired her so much. Of course, she knew those notes were from me the whole time. I rarley tell this part of the story, but it demonstrates the depth of the hole in my life. I used to write her name on stuff (I'll give her a fictional name--Jill Daisytree). "I heart Jill Daisytree", I would write--and I would think. I wondered why do I have these feelings, these longings for a relationship with this woman I barely knew? Still, "I heart Jill Daisytree" I would write and feel. Soon, my girl friends saw these writings, and questioned me. I was embarrassed. I couldn't explain why I would write such a thing about a grandmotherly lady. So, I stopped writing notes and stopped writing "I heart Jill Daisytree" and I stopped feeling things. It was a conscious decision. For years, I would look back at that time and wonder what in the world was wrong with me. Seems simple, now to see the longing for a grandmother to love me. After that, there was one other woman who had a great impact on my life. I loved her just like the pastor's wife. She was my teacher, and I did everything I could to please her. She was kind and recognized the searching in my life. She probably didn't know the details, but she loved me and took me under her wing. She left our school when I was 16, but I continued correspondence with her until a few years ago. Even now, I occasionally feel a desire to email her. Maybe someday I will tell her what I know now that I didn't know then, that God used her to fill a space in me that was so empty.
My Papa's funeral proceedings were wonderfully smooth. My dad's family is in a volatile state, and has been for many years. Thanks for all of the prayers. God released peace and healing--for sure a process that is just beginning.
Its a long story... the single most defining moment of my childhood.
My dad was raised in a works based church. Lots of good people hoping that they were good enough to make it to heaven were, in reality, terrified and feeling hopeless. At least that is how my dad sometimes felt. He is a seeker of Truth, so he has always devoured the Bible and all kinds of other writings. When I was 7, my dad got saved. He was fired up about the Truth of coming to Christ by faith, and boldly confronted the elders and leaders in his church. Basically, we got kicked out. Next, he boldy confronted his family.
It was the night that is forever embossed upon my tiny, 7 year old spirit and soul. My grandmother and grandfather (I call them Meme and Papa) whom I had lived next door to since I was born, and adored like no others left our home after much shouting, vowing to never see us again. A promise that they surely kept until I was 18. Thinking back, there are 3 instances from that time on that I saw them. All of them equally painful and ackward. Not only did they eliminate us from their lives, but we were also blacklisted from my dad's siblings...5 total... No Christmas. No Thanksgiving. No Easter. No birthday's. Just one wedding, one funeral, and one time that we thought Papa was dying, so they let us see him.
Then, when I was 18, my grandparents moved back to Indiana from Arkansas. Suddenly, we were invited to a cousin's graduation, and from there on out were included in every family get together. No questions asked. No apologies offered. It just happened with nary a word.
Interestingly enough I've only ever thought about this from my 7 year old grandchild perspective. Following my Papa's death, I realized that my dad was 29 years old--one year older than I am right-- when his entire family rejected him...
*I will tell this story in whole, and I am happy to say, although it doesn't have a storybook ending, God is loving and merciful and there has been much resolution as reflected upon in my poem gift of resolution.
What a week it has been. I've been helping my parents move since yesterday; a big move which has been planned for 2 months, now. My brother lives with them, as well their 2 granchildren off and on! They also have a home office, so there is a lot to move! Today is the big day with the box truck and six or seven men to help with heavy furniture.
One good thing about moving is the opportunity to pare down on unnecessary belongings! Its amazing the stuff that we find that never gets used and has very little purpose.
Anyway, I gotta go 'cause I hear them calling for me! I'm about to get in trouble:) ...I'd rather be blogging!
Death is odd. Mainly in the fact that someone ceases to exist on this earth, but continues to exist in the spirit. I'm thinking about how truth will be so easy to comprehend with out the confines of our mind and flesh.
Today we have calling hours at the funeral home, and the funeral tomorrow.
Mighty God would your presence rest upon us today as we honor Papa. I pray that you would lead us to forgiveness, restoration and peace that passes understanding. I ask that you be glorified. That your name would go forth in power and authority. Save souls as You reveal Yourself. Use me to speak words of peace in the flesh and words of war in the spirit. This is my prayer.
a miracle from God. testament of His power, His love. that a man long shrouded in fear, gripped by religion would the day before death experience deliverance. scoffers shake their head in unbelief. no miracle took place in this family. no, the effects of death and medication explain away this gift of God He gave that day. not a gift? not a miracle? how is it you say? did you not hear? did you not see? that day this man lie dying--lungs barely breathing, heart barely beating, family hovering, believing it is the end. on that day, this man coughed, raised his head and said i need more time with my children the day before i'm dead. "come my child, come my son, a time of rejoicing has begun. come join me in my bed. lay beside me. hug and kiss me. smile pretty for this memory. come closer here i will tell you a secret. a secret long hidden by shrouds of fear, grip of religion. i love you, my child. i love you, my son. i'm proud of you; who you've become i made mistakes. i have regrets. now is the time for us to forget the pain of the past. in the future remember this secret long hidden. i love you, my child, i love you, my son. i'm proud of you; who you've become." the gift of resolution. scoff if you will. shake your head in unbelief. for me, i know my God, Powerful; who reigns Supreme looked down upon me. He saw my grief. He heard me cry Father, have mercy. Extend Your hand in healing. Show Your glory to my family, though even my faith is weak. The answer came merciful, glorious, miraculous. Strongholds shattered. Fear cowered. Demons fled at the light of His presence glorious, shining. no longer bound, truth surfaced from deep within i love you, my child, i love you, my son. i'm proud of you; who you've become." the gift of resolution so given by Father in Heaven, peace, for him in dying. peace, for me in living.
Here is a link to my newest song. I wrote the beginning part about 4 months ago, but the rest of just came together 3 weeks ago. So far, this is one of my favorites.
Just want to share some quick news about my grandfather. Two days in a row, my dad has got the call to come over because Papa was unresponsive, and his vitals were dropping. Friday night, he and my brother prayed on the 45 minute trip over. They called me, and I was also praying. When they got there, my dad began to pray over his dad. He prayed for healing and peace, and also rebuked spirit of fear and so forth. Papa was telling Dad that he was afraid, and dad quoted Scripture and prayed about that. Then, Papa began to say in agreement that there is no fear in Jesus. His countenance changed and his vitals improved. He actually ate a little and took some liquids as well. He became very loving, and interacted with his children--hugging them, telling them he was proud. Then, they gathered and sang hymns about Jesus, His blood, and His love.
Yesterday was very similar. Papa had been unresponsive for about 8 hours, and his pulse had dropped dramatically. Dad and mom prayed on the way over, and just sat with him quietley praying in the Spirit. Soon, Papa coughed loudly and began to improve. He ate and drank again, and interacted with his children. They told stories and took pictures, and sang hymns.
My dad says that even some sores on Papas legs that were not healing have begun to heal since Friday night. I believe that my dad recieved power and boldness from the Holy Spirit to minister to his dad. Not to go into lots of details, but there is a history of religous spirit in our family, and much unfinished business. At Thanksgiving, the Lord released a word about forgiveness bringing healing. What a tremendous battle...we kind of thought it was too late, but God--He is so powerful. It is never too late. He wants a breakthrough. He wants to be glorified in life and in death.
I'm going over today with my mom and dad. Again, we will press in for peace and healing, knowing that God will have His way. There has already been great healing in the past two days. There can be healing and miracles even if Papa dies. Healing of the Spirit. Healing of the family. There can be an ushering into the Presence of God in peace leaving restoration in its wake.
Increase our faith, Lord, for Your Glory to go forth; for Your power to break-in and heal our family. You are Sovereign God, the Holy One of Israel who Was and Is and Is to Come. You are Magnificent in Your Glory and Awesome in Your Splendor. You work wonders in our midst. Even in our weakness, You are Strong. You are the Mighty One who can do all things; who makes all things new. Restore us unto You. May Your name be glorified in all we do.
I went to see my Papa yesterday. I had not been since Christmas. It is quite shocking and overwhelming--the realities of death. He struggles with breathing. He can only walk a few steps at a time, maybe a few more on good days. He has trouble sleeping at night.
The end is inevitable. He was diagnosed with cancer in May 2005, but has not had treatment since sometime last summer. Right now, he is still living at home. Family assist with his care with the help of Hospice which provides medical equipment and some nursing supervision (not much). What a treasure for him to die in the comfort of his own home, but this takes an extreme sacrifice from his caregivers. It became apparent to me, yesterday, that soon he will require care from more than family members.
My emotions are somewhat clouded at this point, and it is a long story. One that should be told, but I am unsure of the timing. Maybe soon.
I believe Papa has peace to die, so I pray that he goes without much more pain and suffering than he has already endured. For those of us that are left behind, I pray for healing, forgiveness and family unity as we all will be more aware of the fleetingness of this life.
Okay...this is soooo goofy, but hilarious to me. I have wanted to do this for a long time, so here it is---a step by step pictorial for BAGEL-EGG SANDWICH.
I want to say that I wasn't very sensitive today to the fact that 27 people lost their lives yesterday in the storms. While it is good that God is helping me overcome fear of tornadoes, the reality is that they are deadly, destructive, and terrifying.
I've been there. Standing outside alone in the pouring down rain looking at the remains of your home. I've spent those days in shock not knowing exactly what to do or where to begin picking up the pieces. I've had many sleepless nights while thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. I've thought, "God, please, not again" while sirens screamed warning. More important than my own personal progress is having compassion and empathy for storm victims.
God, comfort the hurting. Strengthen the weak. Lift the heads of the weary. May You be a light in the darkness. May You give abiding hope and peace. Calm our fears, God. You are a good God. You are a merciful God. You are slow to anger and abounding in love. Be near. Be Soverieign. Be Powerful. Be Loving. Be Peace. Be Light. Be Strength. Be Love. Be Mercy. Be Compassion. Be God.
September 20, 2002--a day thats been hard to forget.
We bought a new house May 10th, 2002. It was a bank repo and in need of much repair. We spent the whole summer tearing off, tearing down and building back up. By September 10th or so, we were becoming settled having replaced the roof, hung drywall where there was panelling, gutted the bathroom and remodled it from bare walls. We also repainted every wall in the house and recovered every floor.
September 20th rolled around, and I was busy hanging my black and white NYC photos in my 0room of white wall, white carpet and white furnishings. A tornado watch was issued around 11:00am, and at 12:45pm a tornado warning. The sirens went off. My mom is calling. We're trying to locate my younger brother. I'm kind of scrambling around unsure of what to do. On. TV, local weather anchors have interupted regular programming. One keeps saying, "We are really concerned about this cell heading directly for Martinsville." But, its unclear if there is a spotted tornado. Then, at 12:57pm, the weather guy says, "We have confirmed reports of a tornado on the ground and it will be arriving in Martinsville in 2 minutes 45 seconds." I gaze out the window, and am struck by what I see--literally nothing. It was calm, the sky was bright. I saw nothing. Still they said 2 minutes 45 seconds, so I scramble around--unplug the computer, grab Daisy, look for the cat (I can't find her), step into the garage to tell Dave (who was finishing some repairs outside) that they are saying a tornado is on the ground and does he want to come to the basement? He says he'll stay in the garage. I say, "I'll be in the basement. Feel free to come down if it gets bad." I know surreal. I go to the basement and kneel down against the interior wall. About 15 seconds later, I hear the worst roaring. My ears begin to pop. The pressure squeezes my head. Windows are shaking. I hear pounding against the house. I feel terrified. Dave comes running down the basement stairs. He tells me there is considerable damage and he almost waited too late to come down. A few minutes later, we decided to survey the damage.
Sure enough, there was major damage to our home, every home on our street, throughout our town. Following that were hours of rain, complications with Dan getting home from work. Trying to board up and tarp over the damage. Terrible day.
We had a F3 tornado that stayed on the ground for 112 miles. No one was killed although several people were injured.
Insurance came through. We repaired our house. The emotional scar took a little while longer to heal. Tornado season was tough for the next year or two. I couldn't sleep during even the smallest storm. I checked the weather constantly. I got weather alerts texted to my cell phone. Really, the only thing in the natural that made me feel less anxious was being prepared. Knowing ahead of time to expect severe weather. Being alerted. Checking the radar before leaving home. Preparedness. Helps. I do find myself less anxious as I learn to be led by the Holy Spirit. He's helping me overcome a spirit of fear. A prophet recently told me God has posted a gaurd of angels around me--protecting me. Maybe everyone has a gaurd of anges around them. I don't know, but I do feel an ease of fear since she said that. Confidence in God. Helps.
I am reminded of how far I've come since that fateful September day. Last night we had a tornado warning in Indy. We came down to our basement, and tuned into the weather coverage. We were in our bedroom, which is in the basement, but has one window (our basement is half in the ground). It got a little scary sounding, so we went into our closet and waited. This morning, we can see major damage to a high rise building about 3 blocks from our condo. They will know today if it is from tornado or straight line wind damage.
Damage very near our home. We went to the closet. I remained calm. I slept soundly last night. Peace that passes understanding.
Ps 27:4 One thing I have desired from the LORD, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to pray in His temple.(MKJV)
About Me
Name: Mandy Home: United States About Me: I'm Mandy. Wife, mother, worship leader, photographer and lover of Jesus.
I'm here to showcase my work as a beginning photographer and to build a portfolio.
I enjoy photographing children and families. It is a wonderful experience to capture the essence and beauty of a person in an image. See my complete profile
