Sojourn to Transformation

Moving to MandyDawson.Com

2006-06-21T20:42:00.000-04:00

Please visit my new home on the web....mandydawson.com. There you will find a public blog, information about me, my songs, my ministry, as well as partnership information. A cool thing for those who partner with me and the vision of dedicating my life to intercession at the House of Prayer is a private password accessed partner blog and forum. Very Cool! I am looking forward to this new community.

This blog has been wonderful! I have truly loved writing here. I imagine the summer might be a little sparse even at mandydawson.com/blog, but come fall--I might have A LOT to say!

Bless you all and see you over there.
Love,
Mandy

Come to the Waters

2006-05-27T00:14:00.000-04:00

God is so good. He has been strengthening me even in this 21 Day Prayer. It has been wonderful!

I am meeting new people, and really making some strong relationships in the Spirit. It is so exciting.

I've met a small intercession group that meets once per week. Precious group of people. Many grandmotherly ladies who have spent years and years interceeding for the city of Indianapolis and for a generation of abandoned young people. At the meeting this week, I was overwhelmed with gratefulness for the hours and hours sowed into the secret place. I felt that the fruition of the ground they broke is upon us, and many will see the benefits of what took place in secret. Glory to the Father because He sees them in the secret and will reward them here and in the kingdom to come.

I felt it was appropriate to extend a blessing from my generation to theirs. And then, Holy Spirit poured out verse and bridge lyrics to a chorus that was birthed in spontaneous worship a few months ago. Amazing. It happened right there on paper in a matter of 5 minutes, and Holy Spirit kept prompting me to sing and play it over them. I waited and waited, and FINALLY asked to minister to them in this song. I didn't even have a melody for the verse, but when I started playing it just flowed out. AMAZING! This kind of thing had never happend before... Anyway, I recorded the song, tonight. May it minister to you as it has to me.

Come to the Waters

ps...opening note is a little off, but i thought the rest was okay, so...grace, please:)

New Season for Me

2006-05-19T15:38:00.000-04:00

We (City HOP) are doing a 21 Day Prayer Watch for the President, the Nation and the City that started May 14th and will end on the Day of Pentecost-June 4th. Every evening we are having a 7pm meeting. This follows our first City-Wide Prayer Gathering on Saturday, May 13th. Word is spreading across the city, and we have had great turn out each evening. After doing 9 months of 2-8 people prayer meetings, it is exciting to see 10-15 or even 20! There is more of a corporate cry, which is wonderful.

Big-Big things are happening in the city of Indianapolis. Big breakthroughs. Divine connections. Revival has started, and it will sweep the city!

Doing 21 evening meetings is big undertaking for me personally, as we only have 1 team of people, and I am the leader. I have felt God strengthening me during our sessions, though. It is really a joy to sing and pray. Today, I slept off and on until noon. I had a long bath and then did some cleaning. Currently, I am at Starbucks listening to Misty on the IHOP webcast, blogging and having an iced chai latte. Its been a long, long time:) Feels good!

Matt Sorger Meeting

2006-05-14T10:07:00.000-04:00

So, last Sunday, Matt Sorger was gracious enough to speak at our humble abode. We were blown away when he said yes. During one of the conference sessions, he said he will go anywhere to minister to hungry people.

Matt has been indued with great gifts and power from the Holy Spirit. He operates in a revivalist anointing as well as healing. He ministers with much authority, but at the same time a graciousness and kindness that was suprising to me. The fruit of the Spirit was so evident in his life. Its hard to explain this without seeing for yourself, but he is surely (one of) God's messenger for this hour. He awakened hearts as the Glory of God descended upon us, and then brought forth solid teaching rooted and grounded in the Word. Most of all, he demonstrated meekness and humility.

His mother was there ministering with him. She blew me away. Such strength and beauty. You could see God radiating from within her. Amazing. I love them both. Not like I love ice cream, but like I love my mother, my brother, or my friend in Christ... Its this deep God love because my eyes and Spirit could see and feel God's heart for them. Isn't hard to explain how you could love someone you don't know really, but you know them by the Spirit? Its like you just do, or you just know.

So, we are gonna go to any meetings he is doing that are anywhere near us, and have already begun the process of hosting him again. If you ever have the opportunity to be ministered to by him...do it. He leaves an impartation of increased passion and burning desire in you. He gives you tools to become equipped. He is the REAL DEAL. Really Christ inside.

A Great Healing

2006-05-11T09:40:00.000-04:00

How timely this account of great healing, you will see.

So, I sang with the worship team for this Elijah list sponsored conference in Indianapolis. The first night, I felt a little ackward on stage holding a microphone. I haven't sang without playing an instrument for 4 years or so! That first night was tough--for all of us. The enemy was stirred up trying to prevent breakthrough for the city of Indianapolis. The next morning, their was a release in the Spirit. Worship flowed freely. Prophetic oracles went forth. It was 180 degrees from the evening before. We rejoiced in the greatness of God. We danced and warred for breaking down of strongholds in Indy. We beseeched God to open the Heavens and let His Glory descend upon us.

At this point, we were all spontaneously singing together, and I was singing "Let me see your Glory, God." Over and over I sang, "Let me see your Glory, God." As I watched from the stage, the people worshipping and praising our God, I was immediatley taken by the faces of two people. I felt so strongly Holy Spirit directed me to see. I didn't hear Holy Spirit speak, but I just knew, "There it is. There is the Glory of God upon their face. Pure, Holy, Shining." I was overcome with emotion. It was as if I felt God's emotion--His great love for these two people. (Of course, these were not the only two pure and loving people in the crowd , but for some reason, Holy Spirit highlighted these two to me.)

Later that day as I encountered one of the people Holy Spirit highlighted to me, a grandmotherly woman, she stopped me to speak. She spoke of my singing, and I told her of seeing God's glory upon her. It was a short, but wonderful exchange.

From that point forward during worship, I would feel this woman's eyes upon me. I would look her way, and our eyes would meet in brief moments. We would smile. I felt this loving connection with her.

Skip forward to Saturday morning. A dynamic young speaker, Justin Bradley, followed the leading of Holy Spirit and asked hurt intercessors to stand for ministry--in the middle of his speaking. Many, many people stood for prayer, and others gathered around just ministering God's love an healing to them. I prayed with a woman standing near me. ( I was in the back) When I finished, I looked all the way in the front, and I saw the grandmotherly woman standing and people gathered around her praying. They finished and she sat. There was an open chair next to her, so I went and sat.

She reached for my hand and we just sat hands grasped together. Neither of us said a word. She held my hand and I began to cry tears streaming down. Overwhelmed with compassion, love and appreciation for her light, her strength, her wisdom, I sat in silence tears washing my face.

The worship team was called to the stage, so I hugged her and said, "I appreciate you" and she said, "Thank you for your tears. They ministered to me".

I went to the stage, grabbed my mic and tried to sing, but I became undone with emotion. So, I left the stage, went all the way to the back wall (most everyone was in the front). The emotions swirling inside of me were grief and sorrow, and a little anger. So unexplainable. I was overwhelmed. I sat down and I wept. I wept for the loss of my grandparents. I wept for the gaping hole in my spirit. I felt what I wouldn't allow myself to feel.
(The same emotions crept up at my grandpa's funeral, but I held them back. No way did I want to feel that right there in front of my family who were weeping for what they were losing at that moment. I was angry, then, too. I looked around and saw my cousins crying, and I thought, "Its not fair. You have no idea. I lost him so long ago.")
I felt a divine invitation from Holy Spirit to feel and be healed. So, I wept. I grieved. I coughed and cried. I felt it so deep. The depth astonishing and frightening. The release came from the very core of my being.

Awesome God. Passionate Jesus. Gentle Holy Spirit. Healing me. I was filled with His love, and it came in human form from the grandmotherly woman. I was unshakeable in knowing that this woman loved me with the pure, holy love of God and that she was proud of me as a grandmother would be proud of her grandchild.

At the end of the conference, I decided to share how God used her. Her back was turned and I walked towards her, but she kept going around the seats, so I turned to go the other way. Maybe catch her near the back, I was thinkng. There were a couple people with her, and she got stopped periodically along the way never seeing me waiting in the distance. She walked through the doors and down the hallway. I started to follow her, but I got nervous. I felt like my 13 year old needy self following after teachers and ladies at church. I haven't felt that feeling for years. Then, I thought I'd better chase her down, so there were no regrets, and I went running down the hallway after her!

I shared how I felt her love when she took my hand, and how Holy Spirit healed me from grief and anger. And she looked at me and said, "I'm so proud of you. Just like a grandmother would be." I looked back and said, "I knew it!" I knew it by the Spirit. I knew it! I felt it! What a miracle! She doesn't even know my name, yet she allowed herself to love me and be proud of me, and God used her to help set me free from the pain of the past. And you know what? My heart is more tender. The barriers and walls came down, and the emotions of God flooded my soul.

I thank you, Faithful God who has a master plan. How You orchestrated my involvement with the conference. I thought it was about ministry and City HOP, and it was, but how good you are to release healing and love to me. You are so good. You are abounding in loving kindness. You are worthy of all praise, Holy God who was and is to come. How wonderful, how glorious You are.

Matthew 19:29 (New King James Version) 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life.

Where I've Been!

2006-05-10T17:22:00.000-04:00

Hey! Its good to be back. I have been swamped-swamped-swamped since my Papa's death. This past weekend being the culmination of two months work, prayer and anticipation.

Back in March, someone called me out of the blue asking if I knew of anyone who might sing with a worship team for an upcoming Indianapolis conference in May. I stated that I would be interested and sent this couple a copy of my demo CD. So, in April, we had 4 practices in Cincinnati preparing for the conference which was last week. The folks putting this conference together were so wonderful. Very loving, kind an gracious. They gave me lead parts to sing, and allowed me to sing prophetic oracles. They just took me in as one of their own.

The conference featured Matt Sorger as the main speaker. In April, Bev (the woman administrating the conference) called me to see if I could help her find a place in Indianpolis for Matt to speak on Sunday following the conference. She had called lots of large churches, but it was too short notice for all of them. I said we could host him at City HOP. We have a small, small group, so it seemed far-fetched that he would come. Anyway, we said we would do whatever it took to have him come, and gather people together for a meeting. He said he would come! He did come, and it was WONDERFUL.

There is a lot to tell about the conference including huge props to Matt Sorger, his mom, and the account of a dramatic healing I experienced.

More to come....
:Love:
Mandy

Searching to fill the void...

2006-04-28T12:07:00.000-04:00

It was difficult growing up without my grandparents. I didn't always understand at the time, but things are clearer, now, as I look back. When I was around 11, I remember two women who came to our church. One was the mother of our pastor's wife. Lovely lady. Small with snow white hair, smooth face, and warm smile. I adored her. She visited several times each year, and I would hang on every word she said and follow her around like a lost puppy. I sat with her in church and enjoyed hearing the sound of our voices singing together. She sang harmony, and I was proud that I could sing along with her. I asked for her address and sent her letters when she was away. I don't remember what I would say, but she wrote back often. How kind of her. Then , a new lady came to our church who played the organ. She was not quite as old as our pastor's mother. She had short brown hair and a very sweet presence about her. Maybe she was shy or maybe I was shy, but we never really spoke. Instead, I would write her little notes and leave them in her pew. I thought it was a secret that I admired her so much. Of course, she knew those notes were from me the whole time. I rarley tell this part of the story, but it demonstrates the depth of the hole in my life. I used to write her name on stuff (I'll give her a fictional name--Jill Daisytree). "I heart Jill Daisytree", I would write--and I would think. I wondered why do I have these feelings, these longings for a relationship with this woman I barely knew? Still, "I heart Jill Daisytree" I would write and feel. Soon, my girl friends saw these writings, and questioned me. I was embarrassed. I couldn't explain why I would write such a thing about a grandmotherly lady. So, I stopped writing notes and stopped writing "I heart Jill Daisytree" and I stopped feeling things. It was a conscious decision. For years, I would look back at that time and wonder what in the world was wrong with me. Seems simple, now to see the longing for a grandmother to love me.
After that, there was one other woman who had a great impact on my life. I loved her just like the pastor's wife. She was my teacher, and I did everything I could to please her. She was kind and recognized the searching in my life. She probably didn't know the details, but she loved me and took me under her wing. She left our school when I was 16, but I continued correspondence with her until a few years ago. Even now, I occasionally feel a desire to email her. Maybe someday I will tell her what I know now that I didn't know then, that God used her to fill a space in me that was so empty.

The Long Story

2006-04-26T22:25:00.000-04:00

My Papa's funeral proceedings were wonderfully smooth. My dad's family is in a volatile state, and has been for many years. Thanks for all of the prayers. God released peace and healing--for sure a process that is just beginning.

Its a long story... the single most defining moment of my childhood.

My dad was raised in a works based church. Lots of good people hoping that they were good enough to make it to heaven were, in reality, terrified and feeling hopeless. At least that is how my dad sometimes felt. He is a seeker of Truth, so he has always devoured the Bible and all kinds of other writings. When I was 7, my dad got saved. He was fired up about the Truth of coming to Christ by faith, and boldly confronted the elders and leaders in his church. Basically, we got kicked out. Next, he boldy confronted his family.

It was the night that is forever embossed upon my tiny, 7 year old spirit and soul. My grandmother and grandfather (I call them Meme and Papa) whom I had lived next door to since I was born, and adored like no others left our home after much shouting, vowing to never see us again. A promise that they surely kept until I was 18. Thinking back, there are 3 instances from that time on that I saw them. All of them equally painful and ackward. Not only did they eliminate us from their lives, but we were also blacklisted from my dad's siblings...5 total... No Christmas. No Thanksgiving. No Easter. No birthday's. Just one wedding, one funeral, and one time that we thought Papa was dying, so they let us see him.

Then, when I was 18, my grandparents moved back to Indiana from Arkansas. Suddenly, we were invited to a cousin's graduation, and from there on out were included in every family get together. No questions asked. No apologies offered. It just happened with nary a word.

Interestingly enough I've only ever thought about this from my 7 year old grandchild perspective. Following my Papa's death, I realized that my dad was 29 years old--one year older than I am right-- when his entire family rejected him...

*I will tell this story in whole, and I am happy to say, although it doesn't have a storybook ending, God is loving and merciful and there has been much resolution as reflected upon in my poem gift of resolution.

Quick Update

2006-04-22T09:03:00.000-04:00

What a week it has been. I've been helping my parents move since yesterday; a big move which has been planned for 2 months, now. My brother lives with them, as well their 2 granchildren off and on! They also have a home office, so there is a lot to move! Today is the big day with the box truck and six or seven men to help with heavy furniture.

One good thing about moving is the opportunity to pare down on unnecessary belongings! Its amazing the stuff that we find that never gets used and has very little purpose.

Anyway, I gotta go 'cause I hear them calling for me! I'm about to get in trouble:)
...I'd rather be blogging!

Issues of Death

2006-04-19T10:17:00.000-04:00

Death is odd. Mainly in the fact that someone ceases to exist on this earth, but continues to exist in the spirit. I'm thinking about how truth will be so easy to comprehend with out the confines of our mind and flesh.

Today we have calling hours at the funeral home, and the funeral tomorrow.

Mighty God would your presence rest upon us today as we honor Papa. I pray that you would lead us to forgiveness, restoration and peace that passes understanding. I ask that you be glorified. That your name would go forth in power and authority. Save souls as You reveal Yourself. Use me to speak words of peace in the flesh and words of war in the spirit. This is my prayer.

gift of resolution

2006-04-17T10:17:00.000-04:00

a miracle from God. testament of His power, His love.
that a man long shrouded in fear, gripped by religion
would the day before death experience deliverance.
scoffers shake their head in unbelief.
no miracle took place in this family.
no, the effects of death and medication explain away
this gift of God He gave that day.
not a gift? not a miracle? how is it you say?
did you not hear? did you not see?
that day this man lie dying--lungs barely breathing, heart barely beating,
family hovering, believing it is the end.
on that day, this man coughed, raised his head and said
i need more time with my children the day before i'm dead.
"come my child, come my son, a time of rejoicing has begun.
come join me in my bed.
lay beside me. hug and kiss me. smile pretty for this memory.
come closer here i will tell you a secret.
a secret long hidden by shrouds of fear, grip of religion.
i love you, my child. i love you, my son.
i'm proud of you; who you've become
i made mistakes. i have regrets. now is the time for us to forget
the pain of the past. in the future remember
this secret long hidden.
i love you, my child, i love you, my son.
i'm proud of you; who you've become."
the gift of resolution.
scoff if you will. shake your head in unbelief.
for me, i know my God, Powerful; who reigns Supreme
looked down upon me. He saw my grief.
He heard me cry Father, have mercy. Extend Your hand in healing.
Show Your glory to my family, though even my faith is weak.
The answer came merciful, glorious, miraculous.
Strongholds shattered. Fear cowered. Demons fled
at the light of His presence glorious, shining.
no longer bound, truth surfaced from deep within
i love you, my child, i love you, my son.
i'm proud of you; who you've become."
the gift of resolution
so given by Father in Heaven,
peace, for him in dying. peace, for me in living.

2006-04-16T22:43:00.000-04:00

Well, my Papa died just now. My parents called me a minute ago. I'm not suprised, though after a day like today.

Can you imagine meeting Jesus face to face on resurrection day?

There is No God Like You

2006-04-16T18:06:00.000-04:00

Here is a link to my newest song. I wrote the beginning part about 4 months ago, but the rest of just came together 3 weeks ago. So far, this is one of my favorites.
There is No God Like You

God Reigns

2006-04-16T08:43:00.000-04:00

Just want to share some quick news about my grandfather. Two days in a row, my dad has got the call to come over because Papa was unresponsive, and his vitals were dropping. Friday night, he and my brother prayed on the 45 minute trip over. They called me, and I was also praying. When they got there, my dad began to pray over his dad. He prayed for healing and peace, and also rebuked spirit of fear and so forth. Papa was telling Dad that he was afraid, and dad quoted Scripture and prayed about that. Then, Papa began to say in agreement that there is no fear in Jesus. His countenance changed and his vitals improved. He actually ate a little and took some liquids as well. He became very loving, and interacted with his children--hugging them, telling them he was proud. Then, they gathered and sang hymns about Jesus, His blood, and His love.

Yesterday was very similar. Papa had been unresponsive for about 8 hours, and his pulse had dropped dramatically. Dad and mom prayed on the way over, and just sat with him quietley praying in the Spirit. Soon, Papa coughed loudly and began to improve. He ate and drank again, and interacted with his children. They told stories and took pictures, and sang hymns.

My dad says that even some sores on Papas legs that were not healing have begun to heal since Friday night. I believe that my dad recieved power and boldness from the Holy Spirit to minister to his dad. Not to go into lots of details, but there is a history of religous spirit in our family, and much unfinished business. At Thanksgiving, the Lord released a word about forgiveness bringing healing. What a tremendous battle...we kind of thought it was too late, but God--He is so powerful. It is never too late. He wants a breakthrough. He wants to be glorified in life and in death.

I'm going over today with my mom and dad. Again, we will press in for peace and healing, knowing that God will have His way. There has already been great healing in the past two days. There can be healing and miracles even if Papa dies. Healing of the Spirit. Healing of the family. There can be an ushering into the Presence of God in peace leaving restoration in its wake.

Increase our faith, Lord, for Your Glory to go forth; for Your power to break-in and heal our family. You are Sovereign God, the Holy One of Israel who Was and Is and Is to Come. You are Magnificent in Your Glory and Awesome in Your Splendor. You work wonders in our midst. Even in our weakness, You are Strong. You are the Mighty One who can do all things; who makes all things new. Restore us unto You.
May Your name be glorified in all we do.

My Grandfather is Dying

2006-04-10T11:23:00.000-04:00

I went to see my Papa yesterday. I had not been since Christmas. It is quite shocking and overwhelming--the realities of death. He struggles with breathing. He can only walk a few steps at a time, maybe a few more on good days. He has trouble sleeping at night.

The end is inevitable. He was diagnosed with cancer in May 2005, but has not had treatment since sometime last summer. Right now, he is still living at home. Family assist with his care with the help of Hospice which provides medical equipment and some nursing supervision (not much). What a treasure for him to die in the comfort of his own home, but this takes an extreme sacrifice from his caregivers. It became apparent to me, yesterday, that soon he will require care from more than family members.

My emotions are somewhat clouded at this point, and it is a long story. One that should be told, but I am unsure of the timing. Maybe soon.

I believe Papa has peace to die, so I pray that he goes without much more pain and suffering than he has already endured. For those of us that are left behind, I pray for healing, forgiveness and family unity as we all will be more aware of the fleetingness of this life.

Good Breakfast!

2006-04-07T23:05:00.000-04:00

Okay...this is soooo goofy, but hilarious to me. I have wanted to do this for a long time, so here it is---a step by step pictorial for BAGEL-EGG SANDWICH.

Forgiven

2006-04-07T20:52:00.000-04:00

Two Words

2006-04-05T19:50:00.000-04:00

Spring Fever

Revival Painting

2006-04-04T16:34:00.000-04:00

I did this painting last week during our time at City HOP.

My Heart Knows

2006-04-03T18:46:00.000-04:00

I want to say that I wasn't very sensitive today to the fact that 27 people lost their lives yesterday in the storms. While it is good that God is helping me overcome fear of tornadoes, the reality is that they are deadly, destructive, and terrifying.

I've been there. Standing outside alone in the pouring down rain looking at the remains of your home. I've spent those days in shock not knowing exactly what to do or where to begin picking up the pieces. I've had many sleepless nights while thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. I've thought, "God, please, not again" while sirens screamed warning. More important than my own personal progress is having compassion and empathy for storm victims.

God, comfort the hurting. Strengthen the weak. Lift the heads of the weary. May You be a light in the darkness. May You give abiding hope and peace. Calm our fears, God. You are a good God. You are a merciful God. You are slow to anger and abounding in love.
Be near. Be Soverieign. Be Powerful. Be Loving. Be Peace. Be Light. Be Strength. Be Love. Be Mercy. Be Compassion. Be God.

Tornadoes

2006-04-03T08:37:00.000-04:00

September 20, 2002--a day thats been hard to forget.

We bought a new house May 10th, 2002. It was a bank repo and in need of much repair. We spent the whole summer tearing off, tearing down and building back up. By September 10th or so, we were becoming settled having replaced the roof, hung drywall where there was panelling,
gutted the bathroom and remodled it from bare walls. We also repainted every wall in the house and recovered every floor.

September 20th rolled around, and I was busy hanging my black and white NYC photos in my 0room of white wall, white carpet and white furnishings. A tornado watch was issued around 11:00am, and at 12:45pm a tornado warning. The sirens went off. My mom is calling. We're trying to locate my younger brother. I'm kind of scrambling around unsure of what to do. On. TV, local weather anchors have interupted regular programming. One keeps saying, "We are really concerned about this cell heading directly for Martinsville." But, its unclear if there is a spotted tornado. Then, at 12:57pm, the weather guy says, "We have confirmed reports of a tornado on the ground and it will be arriving in Martinsville in 2 minutes 45 seconds." I gaze out the window, and am struck by what I see--literally nothing. It was calm, the sky was bright. I saw nothing. Still they said 2 minutes 45 seconds, so I scramble around--unplug the computer, grab Daisy, look for the cat (I can't find her), step into the garage to tell Dave (who was finishing some repairs outside) that they are saying a tornado is on the ground and does he want to come to the basement? He says he'll stay in the garage. I say, "I'll be in the basement. Feel free to come down if it gets bad." I know surreal.
I go to the basement and kneel down against the interior wall. About 15 seconds later, I hear the worst roaring. My ears begin to pop. The pressure squeezes my head. Windows are shaking. I hear pounding against the house. I feel terrified. Dave comes running down the basement stairs. He tells me there is considerable damage and he almost waited too late to come down. A few minutes later, we decided to survey the damage.

Sure enough, there was major damage to our home, every home on our street, throughout our town. Following that were hours of rain, complications with Dan getting home from work. Trying to board up and tarp over the damage. Terrible day.

We had a F3 tornado that stayed on the ground for 112 miles. No one was killed although several people were injured.

Insurance came through. We repaired our house. The emotional scar took a little while longer to heal. Tornado season was tough for the next year or two. I couldn't sleep during even the smallest storm. I checked the weather constantly. I got weather alerts texted to my cell phone.
Really, the only thing in the natural that made me feel less anxious was being prepared. Knowing ahead of time to expect severe weather. Being alerted. Checking the radar before leaving home. Preparedness. Helps.
I do find myself less anxious as I learn to be led by the Holy Spirit. He's helping me overcome a spirit of fear. A prophet recently told me God has posted a gaurd of angels around me--protecting me. Maybe everyone has a gaurd of anges around them. I don't know, but I do feel an ease of fear since she said that. Confidence in God. Helps.

I am reminded of how far I've come since that fateful September day. Last night we had a tornado warning in Indy. We came down to our basement, and tuned into the weather coverage. We were in our bedroom, which is in the basement, but has one window (our basement is half in the ground). It got a little scary sounding, so we went into our closet and waited. This morning, we can see major damage to a high rise building about 3 blocks from our condo. They will know today if it is from tornado or straight line wind damage.

Damage very near our home. We went to the closet. I remained calm. I slept soundly last night. Peace that passes understanding.

Need Some Help Here...

2006-03-30T22:17:00.000-05:00

Wondering if some IHOP people could help me with a small dilemma. I started singing this little diddy tonight during our closing song, and I think I may have heard an IHOP team singing something the same or extremely similar sometime last fall.

I recorded the basic chorus and verse, but the chorus..."Break me open God like the alabaster box" is the part I'm wondering about.

If you guys can check it out and let me know if you have heard it before that would be great!

Break Me Open

in the silence

2006-03-28T09:31:00.000-05:00

emotional lately
feeling tired
anxious, sometimes.
hard 2 fall asleep
mind racing
heart awakened
spirit hearing
in the silence--only quiet.
His heart infused to mine.
"I love you. You are precious. You are beautiful. Awake.
My heart is inside you. Love.
I have called you. I have chosen you. My plan for you is good. Arise.
My Spirit is inside you. Purifying you. Transforming you. Hear.
My word is inside you. Sound the alarm. Speak.
My beauty is inside you. Create.
My song is inside you. Sing.
My way is inside you. Walk.
I will lead you. I will guide you. Listen.
You are forever mine. Rest."

Afghan Case Dismissed

2006-03-26T09:52:00.000-05:00

Today, the Afghanistan court dismissed the case agaisnt Abdul Rahman for becoming a Christian! Breaking News Story

Man on Trial for Converting to Christianity

2006-03-22T09:49:00.000-05:00

Dave Slicker from IHOP-KC brought a this to attention at the 4pm intercession set, yesterday. (I was watching the live feed.) As he put it, this is a precident setting case in Afghanistan, and will set the course for religious freedom. So, we will pray for God's justice and righteousness. We also will pray for this man, Abdul Rahman. So, gatekeepers and intercessors...lets spread the word.

Afghanistan says fate of convert up to the court

By Sayed Salahuddin

Under mounting international pressure over the case of a man facing the death penalty for converting to Christianity, Afghanistan said on Wednesday the judiciary would decide the case.

An Afghan judge said this week a man named Abdur Rahman had been jailed for converting from Islam to Christianity and could face the death penalty if he refused to become a Muslim again.

Sharia, or Islamic law, stipulates death for apostasy. Afghanistan's legal system is based on a mixture of civil and sharia law.

"We in Afghanistan have the prosecutor who observes the law and the court that executes it. Whatever the court orders will be executed as the court is independent," said Mahaiuddin Baluch, an adviser on religious affairs to President Hamid Karzai.

The case has raised alarm overseas and the United States and three other NATO allies with troops in Afghanistan on Tuesday urged respect for religious freedom.

The case is also sensitive for Karzai who depends on foreign troops to battle Taliban and al Qaeda militants, and foreign aid to support the economy, but also has to take into consideration the views of conservative proponents of Islamic law.

Asked about the international outcry, Baluch said: "Everybody has the right to express their view."

Rahman, 40, became a Christian while he was living abroad, a judicial official said earlier. Among the countries he has lived in were Pakistan and Germany, the official said.
...Continue Reading...

Kim Clement's Big E Prophecy

2006-03-22T09:04:00.000-05:00

Many people are visiting this blog by googling Kim Clement's Big E Prophecy. So, I've went to Kim's website. From May to the present, I've compliled the prophecies concerning the Big E. There are definitley stirrings in the government and the news concerning Corn Ethanol or E-85 and Cellulosic Ethanol.

May 22, 2005
"For the Spirit of God says, do you realize that there is a marked moment in time in the summer where there will be a divine transference of masses of amounts of money? Keep your eye on the gold. Keep your eye on that one substance. Also keep your eyes open for you shall see things changing with petroleum. You shall see things changing with something new that shall come forth. Invest into it says the Spirit of the Lord. You'd better listen some of you investors. This is not petroleum. This is not oil. This is something else that is safer and God wants to share a secret tonight. Go and study it. I don't have the words. The Spirit of the Lord has hidden it from me. But He tells me there's something other than petroleum or gas or whatever you call it, oil, that's coming forth that's gonna be used. Invest in it for it will bring some of you millions of dollars within a 14 month period says the Lord. It begins with an "e". That's all I've got. Now if anybody wants to become very rich, get ready because the stock market's gonna open up. NASDAQ is opening up. There are things opening up in the public places that God says I'm gonna pour out and give to you what rightfully belongs to you if you want it!"

September 3, 2005
"What took place in New Orleans caused America to go into even a greater crisis. It's not the oil it's the refining of the oil that's the problem. And therefore we don't have time and that's what it is. God said remember what I told you about the big "E". For those that don't know it, God said there's a big "E" that's being brought forth. Not petroleum, this is going to be a new source. God said they are going to have to press in to get that energy or that source to this Nation. In other words they can not rely on the source or the natural resources. They can not rely upon oil. There is something else, the government of the USA is about to release that, and release it it shall. It's going to be a fantastic thing. All I know is I heard it in the secret place. This is going to force the United States of America, where they are at the point where they will not rely on the Middle East anymore. There will be a source that they will have within this Nation. It shall come from the garbage, it will come from the ground, it will come from paper, it will come from bugs eating a bunch of stuff. I'm seeing a bunch of bugs eating a bunch of stuff. God said this is going to be the craziest thing. They are going to say, Wow This is being wasted The creatures are eating what could be used to cause our engines to work and our vehicles to move. I'm seeing this bunch of bugs eating this stuff and there it is, that's it right there. When this happens, the United States shall rise above the wealth of the Middle East in terms of oil, and it shall take over, and they shall say now take your oil and shove it. This is the time for America to press in..."

September 17, 2005
"In this Nation a prophetic sound shall come, and as a result of it you will not need the oil of the Middle East. There is a new energy that is coming forth. The prophet knows it as the Big "E" but knows nothing else. A new form of energy is coming forth, America is pioneering it and it shall take you from a trillion dollar deficit to no deficit whatsoever within a six-year period says the Spirit of God. And the Middle East shall say you still need oil. But America shall say no longer from you, for O Israel O Israel what is hidden shall be revealed says the Lord. America rejoice for this is your day says the Lord..."

November 14, 2005
" There is a source of energy that's coming out of this Nation where they will not rely on the oil of the Middle East. God gave me a revelation about the "Big E", that something's going to come from the ground, from the bugs. There are literally billions of dollars to be made in the next few years by Christian people if they would be wise and they would be perceptive. God is going to provide a way for you to invest and to make millions overnight. Take that as a key and a sign, it's yours..."

December 3, 2005
"In America, a new source of energy. America the pioneer. Coming from beneath their feet. That bugs have enjoyed shall become a major source because along with discovering this shall another great discovery come around the month of April of next year, between February and April. That will be what will swing America to the point of never having to rely upon the Middle East again, ever, ever, says the Lord..."

December 31, 2005
"But a surprise is upon you, a great surprise from the garbage, from insects, shall come from beneath your feet a new source of energy. Not ethanol only, something else shall come out of it, says the Lord, discovered and in the next 18 months I will show My servants, the prophets, the places to invest and some shall say, "this is an Einsteinian craze" but it shall come from something that Einstein was discovering and bringing forth, but before his time, therefore I had to remove him. This is the time where discovery shall bring a new source of energy and it shall start in this Nation, says the Lord. Do not say, "Einstein, what about God?" God said, I worked wonders but now some of the theories shall become fact and God said, it shall be so surprising that people shall say, "what shall we do?" America - no deficit! America - no deficit! And in your White House I will keep for the next three terms a Christian at the helm, says the Lord..."

January 29, 2006
"In this summer, opportunity will be created for millions of people in the kingdom to be debt free. For God said, there is new source of energy that I am raising up. This Nation's economy is about to change for the better. God said, people will say, "it's impossible." But God says, you will look to the middle east no more. In fact, they will come to you, why? Because God says, I am turning it around. This is the year of pay back, says the Lord. This is the year for Me to pay back what the enemy stole away. If you believe it, grab a hold of it because it is coming to you..."

SNOW DAY!

2006-03-21T16:58:00.000-05:00

Four inches of snow just in time for the perfect snow day! I'm sure, now that I'm finally maturing into an adult based upon reflection of my snow day activities!

First things, first. I had to take care of some time consuming errands that have been on my to do list for quite some time. You know the ones that take so much time they never seem to fit in--beginning with a trip to the BMV to renew our lisence plate. Amazingly enough it still took 45 minutes even with very few people braving the weather. Second on my list was a trip to Wal-Mart for a much over do oil change. I did some grocery shopping as well. Side note: I'm seriously contemplating becoming a vegetarian. During a futile attempt Sunday, I realized I must do some grocery shopping before trying it again, considering the only vegetables we had in our home were a bag of salad, some dried up broccoli and carrots, and yellow onions! So, I bought lots of good veggie groceries, and proceeded to our local healthfood store for TAHINI. Yes, tahini, the elusive ingredient for hummus which I have been planning to make for about 4 months, now. I never seem to have time for tracking down that tahini.
At Nature's Cupboard not only did I score some Tahini which is sesame seed paste BTW...I didn't know until today and some raw honey, but I also found some all natural sanschemical hair dye. I asked the check out lady if she had used it, and she was kind of enough to give her personal recommendation. Her hair looked awesome. Shocking, really, to think that it was chemical free stuff she used and it turned out so well. Her secret she tells me is mixing her own color from two shades! That really excited me because those possibilities are endless.
Next, I went to Sams Club definitley not helping out in the battle against Wal-Mart today:). More veggies and stuff. So, that takes care of the grown up errands. Now, on to the grown up stuff that I always aspire to do, but it never pans out considering how little time I have...
I made portobella mushroom fajitas for supper. I was amazed at just how great they tasted. Didn't even miss the chicken! Next, I whipped up some home spun salsa in my food processor. Tomatoes, garlic, jalepeno, a little lime juice, white wine vinegar, olive oil, kosher salt and fresh ground pepper (a hint of tomatoe paste since the tomatoes were not quite ripe) and waa laa...SALSA. It was very yummy. Especially with organic blue corn chips (my favorite).
Last, I made that fresh hummus which turned out a little funky. Too much tahini, I think, but for first time still edible.
To top off the perfect snow day, Dan and I are hanging out at Starbucks. I'm drinking a iced chai latte, and surfing the web. All in all, I'd call that a very nice day.

Lilly Leads Worship

2006-03-19T21:07:00.000-05:00

Lilly is my 4 year old neice, whom I adore:) Before we begin our Sunday service at City HOP, sometimes we let her sing songs to Jesus on the microphone. Today she said, "I have a song I'd like to sing. You play the piano, Mandy." So, I played a real simple chord progression and she started singing. A minute or so in, I decided to record what she was singing on CD. Little did I know that she would end up singing for about 10 minutes, and we all actually entered into worship with her. My dad started singing with her, too, to help her stay focused. Anyway, here are two mp3 of Lilly singing to Jesus this morning.
Holy, Holy God
Jesus Loves Us So Much

Funny Story!

2006-03-19T17:33:00.000-05:00

So, I brewed up Starbucks new Black Apron Exclusive Rawanda Blue Burboun coffe this morning to take along to City HOP in my shiny new striped thermos mentioned in the previous post.

I waltz into church showing off my thermos and proceed to open it up and have a drink. (I was busy typing out some notes in the car, so this is my first time actually having a sip). I press the magic red button, place my lips oh so smoothly on top, and proceed to tilt my head and lift the thermos to pour it down the ol' hatch. Except, none of it went down the hatch. Not one drop. Instead, it poured directly onto my chin and down the front of my very favorite vintage track jacket! Turns out the liquid comes out from the side of the thermos instead of the top.

Next time, I'll think to check that out before trying to take a drink.
Ah, well, coffee is good...even if its on my jacket:)

YAY!

2006-03-17T17:39:00.000-05:00

Wo0 HoO! I found a treasure at the Starbucks in my parents town!! Namely THIS:

I've had my eye on this thermos that is SO ME since November. Alas, it was a whopping $30.00. Every time we would visit Starbucks, I'd check to see if they were on sale. Then, about a month ago, they disappeared from the shelves. I even checked eBay, and of course retail savvy people are selling them for more than the original cost considering that you can't find them anymore.

Today, we enter the local Starbucks about 45 minutes from the city, and my eyes behold this beauty way up in the corner of the top shelf. I casually turn it over to see the price, and almost fall over when I read $11.95. $11.95-- more than 50% of its original highly inflated price. $11.95--I can definitley talk my mom into that kind of purchase!

And I did. Thanks, Mom! You're the best--for many other reasons, but including that you buy me stuff ;)

Exciting Changes!

2006-03-16T22:40:00.000-05:00

We have made some big changes to our schedule at the House of Prayer. I learned some new things during our trip to Atlanta IHOP and Bristol-HOP. (Thanks to Tom and that one guy at ATL HOP!)

Here is what I learned: (*author's note--of course these may not apply across the board for every HOP. Mostly, just really resonated with me, and I felt God's direction through these concepts...)
1. The House of Prayer must have full and part time intercessory missionaries.
2. Might be good to build the schedule during daytime hours rather than shedule evening and weekend hours in order to be flexible for people who work. Two reasons for this are: (1)those in the work force full-time may not be able to readily commit to building the HOP.(2)those in the work force who are strongly called to build the HOP must get out of work force and enter into missionary lifestyle in order to participate.
3. Early meetings are focused on training and equipping the teams that are already in place instead of calling in visitors.
4. It is important for the intercessory missionaries to DWELL in the HOP. There is a difference between harp and bowl meetings and a HOP. The goal of a HOP is to establish a place for the glory of God to dwell. When "Annas" spending work-type hours in the HOP, God grants a corporate anointing even as individuals enter into personal devotion time at the HOP.

Based on this information, we are spending 5 hour blocks of time during the days on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of each week. The first 3 hours we play CDs and just enter into personal devotion, prayer, meditation, and creating. The last two hours we do a intercession harp and bowl clinic, pausing once for people to trade roles from prayer leader to singer. We sometimes only have 3 people, so 2 singers, 1 prayer leader...then we switch! Other times we have 6 or 7, and we can have 3 singers and more people praying:) Bristol-HOP does a really great clinic, so our understanding was so much better after visiting that we were able to follow their lead.

There are a few amazing things that are happening since we started this two weeks ago. First, our time is much more focused. Instead of meeting for two hour intercession 5 times per week, we are meeting 5 hours 3 times per week. This allows us to really focus our energy. Secondly, we are learning to have a greater corporate expression, and their is not as much burden on just one or two people for the meeting. With more people praying and singing, its more enjoyable for everyone. There is also a greater sense of unity. With each of us contributing, there is a stronger sense of community, and we are encouraging each other. Encouraged to seek the heart of God, to dwell in the HOP, to see His glory descend in our city, to abandon the world, and to run hard after the deep things, to know Jesus, to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, to usher in the appearing of Christ...

At the end of two weeks, I feel very encouraged. There is a renewed zeal and passion for God to build this House! We have a new clear, tangible, unified vision for the future. Really, it has just been a very encouraging two weeks.

He is the Lord, God, Merciful. He is Good. Gracious. Abounding in Love. Zealous for His people and His House.
Love.

Hot Off The Presses!

2006-03-14T21:46:00.000-05:00

New harp and bowl practice resources for you posted here on our listen page.

During my visit to Bristol-HOP, I realized that it may be helpful for people to practice antiphonal singing and spontaneous singing in their own home (or car:). Since that time, I have hoped to put a few resources together for practicing harp and bowl. Of course, these are not perfect. There are a few glitches, but hopefully still very useful.

What you need to know:
The first mp3 consists of one worship song; spontaneous singing; an intercession prayer from Eph. 1:17 for revival, and a 6 minute chord progression (very basic and boring to listen to) for you to practice singing phrases and making up varying melodies.
Better is One Day; Spontaneous Singing;Prayer for Revival; 6 Minute Progression Practice Harp and Bowl Set
The second mp3 is a little different. Starts with one worship song, then spontaneous singing, an intercession prayer for justice, and practice antiphonal singing. Basically, I sing, then leave a space for a 2nd singer, so essentially, you and I are taking turns. I also developed a few choruses for you to sing along with--practice harmonies, maybe:). The prayer leader interjects throughout.
Hungry; Spontaneous Singing; Prayer for Justice; Antiphonal Singing Practice Harp and Bowl Set

BTW...Any feedback from someone who might try this is very welcome. I hope to continue to provide training resources for singing, so let me know what you think!
Love.

Taxes and Such

2006-03-13T13:16:00.000-05:00

Whew! What a relief! I've been working on taxes for a week or so in preparation for an appointment today. Now, its all over, and early, too! Taxes being my responsibility this year because of medical school, I would count it a success to have finished by April 15th!

Been listening to the support raising seminars from IHOP-KC. Finding it to be a very helpful teaching.

Might be getting a job at Starbucks, soon. I've had two interviews, and should hear something shortly. So, lots going on, and much to consider.

Have some other things to post on, but need to get back to work. Be blessed today with burdens lifted and cast upon the One who can carry them all.
Love.

Painting

2006-03-10T10:52:00.000-05:00

This is my first painting done at City HOP this week. For a long time, I have wanted to sit in our prayer room and do art work, but that hasn't come to fruition until this past week. We changed our schedule to spend 5 hour blocks of time in the prayer room, and it has been great. More on that later:)
I really enjoyed creating this piece. Here is a link to a larger version

its good

2006-03-08T18:31:00.000-05:00

today
good
dan have test
goes good
glad

feel good
5 hours
house of prayer
intercession for 2
people join
harp and bowl
better
more than one

clean kitchen
sink shining
feels good

fast hard
yesterday
today
good
new mercies
i'm sure

tonight
rest
be with dan
whom i love

tomorrow?
same!
hope
good

a little test

2006-03-07T20:45:00.000-05:00

Hmm. Interesting.

You scored as Jonathan Edwards. You're the original hellfire-and brimstone preacher and you take God's justice very seriously. You are passionate about preaching and an accomplished theologian.

Anselm

80%

Jonathan Edwards

80%

Karl Barth

73%

John Calvin

67%

J�rgen Moltmann

67%

Friedrich Schleiermacher

60%

Charles Finney

53%

Martin Luther

53%

Augustine

20%

Paul Tillich

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Republican.

Anarchism

83%

Republican

83%

Communism

67%

Socialist

58%

Green

42%

Democrat

42%

Nazi

Fascism

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

On Fasting

2006-03-05T09:58:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about the subject of fasting considering the Call to 40 Days of Fasting and Prayer.

I don't want to reveal a lot about what I am doing for this fast. Lets just say that I am personally participating in it at some level:) The important things are that I have learned so much in the past few days...

My past fasting experiences have been brief and difficult. So, my expectations are always low. When I got the email concerning this 40 day fast, I automatically set my sights really low. Habit, I guess. It was during my visit to Atlanta IHOP that I really felt a stronger call into wholeheartedness during this fast. The Holy Spirit impressed me to have an attitude of setting my sights high, going for it, and if I fail(which I have and probably will again) to set my sights, again and go for it, again. So, thats my approach, now, which is pretty different from before.

This is what I learned...
1. I have very little self control when it comes to food. I know...not a huge revelation, nevertheless, startling. I was reminded that temperance or self-control is listed as a fruit of the Spirit. Maybe fasting is a key way for the Spirit to release this fruit in our lives.
2. I have gone after this so little, that when it is crisis time (such as our spiritual leaders call a 40 day fast), I will be limited in how I can participate.
3. I really need to make this discipline a weekly practice so that in the future I can enter in more abandondly as calls come forth.
4. There are changes in my diet that I need to make (like do the Daniel fast--always), and it is a matter of deciding wholeheartedly. These changes will make fasting a little less difficult. (Those headaches can be so awful. Anything I can do to decrease those...I need to do.)
5. This discipline might be more mental and emotional than physical...just a small example...I went grocery shopping and to Sams Club (where they have samples all over the place:) while doing a water fast. I was so excited to leave those places having said no to all of the try mes! However, as I started feeling frustrated about something a few hours later, and just snapped and ate.

So, these are wonderful things of which to be aware. This is something for which I feel a new zeal.

I had trouble expressing this coherently, so hopefully you didn't get too lost:)

2006-03-04T13:37:00.000-05:00

we fast. we pray. we seek Your face.
we kneel and say, 'Oh, God, turn from heaven. hear our prayer. heal our land.'

2006-03-03T21:18:00.000-05:00

how is it that
i
lack
the one thing
i
desire
most?

New Video

2006-03-03T17:45:00.000-05:00

Here is the video of my song, "Abide in Christ" as I played at my ordination with the band of musicians from Nashville, TN. For your worshipping pleasure, click here.

***Thanks to Aaron for posting it on his site.

The Gift

2006-03-02T22:28:00.000-05:00

love
is
most desired
highly cherished
the
treasure
of man
the
prize
of life
a
gift
that cannot
be earned
but
must be
recieved

where is love?

2006-03-02T10:24:00.000-05:00

a child
born to be
loved
yet
life
errodes
innocence
now
love
once given and recieved
becomes
what this child seeks

where can this child look?
to find
love
what can this child do?
to recieve
love
who can this child be?
to deserve
love

Traveling Along

2006-03-01T09:02:00.000-05:00

Heading out from IHOP-Bristol after spending two days visiting. I had a wonderful time ministering with their group in harp and bowl last night. It was very encouraging to see a small group come together in unity and in small beginnings, yet seeking after the heart of God. Shout out to Tom who was very gracious during our stay.

A prayer for IHOP-Bristol: May the Lord look upon you with favor. May He grant you to be strengthened by the Spirit within you with might and power to persevere. That he would make your way straight and sure every step. That He would bless your times of intercession give you a Spirit of prayer and faith to move mountains. May He give you revelation of His great love for you. For you have touched His heart.
Shalom

How to Find Me

2006-02-28T11:19:00.000-05:00

List of recent searches that have lead people to my blog. Some of these are so interesting, and I can hardly imagine that they were led my way...

1. jackson fast
2. harp and bowl
3. "why dont you give Jesus a try"
4. mandy dawson house of prayer
5. sojourn to transformation
6. medical questions about vomitting
7. kim clement big e
8. laptop layaway
9. nasdaq kim clement
10. jackson bohlender
11. harp and bowl technical
12. homeless hiker
13. wrecked by God
14. husband does not defend wife against accusations (I have never said these exact words...they are all in separate posts!)
15. jackson bohlender

Prize #1 goes to jackson bohlender...lots of people searching for you.
#2 to kim clement...need to know about that big e.

Flickr Spelling

2006-02-26T23:09:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Randy, but worth a look for sure.

Spelling with flickr pretty cool. Check it out!

Ordination Photos

2006-02-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

I was blessed to be able to play Abide in Christ with Chuck Day, and his band. They were so gracious to accompany me, and made this song into something it has never been, yet. What a privelege to play with such gifted musicians. Chuck travels leading worship. He is a songwriter, and has recorded numerous albums. His bandmates are studio musicians in Nashville.

Annointing oil poured out of a horn.

Laying on of Hands

Receiving Prophecy

Sharing My Heart (I got a little choked up)

My mom and I

I was so blessed to be recieved with such warmth and love. Many spoke encouraging words into my life, and demonstrated Christ's love in such a way that I felt like family. Truly an amazing and defining time in my life.

2006-02-26T12:43:00.000-05:00

Yestereday, I had a surreal and wonderful experience being ordained. In the weeks leading up to that day, God granted clarity about the purpose and meaning of my becoming ordained, and gave me great peace. Interestingly enough, that clarity and peace were birthed in the midst of turmoil.
Dan was unable to attend due to his schedule, but sent me away with his full support and blessing, so although he is missing from photos, we have entered into this with unity of spirit.
So, this occasion marks yet another beginning. Another step in this sojourn to transformation.

Ordination

2006-02-25T07:59:00.000-05:00

Today is a big day for me. I will be ordained this morning around 9am EST. You can view a webcast here.

Today, I am filled with knowledge that all of my good works are filthy rags. I have no gift worthy of my King. But, still I come. I come to Him clothed in the righteous robe of Jesus Christ. He is my gift. He is my reward.

Shalom

A Call for 40 Days of Fasting and Prayer

2006-02-24T15:33:00.000-05:00

A Call for 40 Days of Fasting and Prayer

Lou Engle, Mike Bickle, Dutch Sheets, and Francis Frangipane call for 40 Days of Fasting and Prayer from March 1 to April 9 for Revival, Reformation, Muslim nations, and Israel.

REVOLUTION
THE CRISIS
The earth stands in a pivotal, but precarious, moment in history. All around the globe, the earth seems to be convulsing with natural disasters, lawlessness, wars and rumors of wars. As you read this, Islam-dominated nations are violently reacting and baring their fangs over a simple cartoon depiction of their prophet, Mohammed. The ugly and violent nature of Islam has begun to rear its head, and the Church must respond with fasting and prayer to contend with the menacing threat of Islamic global domination.

THE ONGOING CONFLICT IN THE MIDDLE EAST: IRAQ, IRAN & ISRAEL
One of the greatest crises that the Church must confront is the hectoring and bullying of Israel, America and the nations by the insidious Islamic jihadists. In the recent Palestinian election, the anti-Israel terrorist group, Hamas, gained a majority in the government of the Palestinian people. Hamas is a group that not only refuses peaceful coexistence with Israel, but also is a terrorist organization that literally calls for the destruction of the nation of Israel in their original charter documents. The threat to Israel, America, and the world does not stop there. With the recent election of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, and his pursuit of nuclear reactors, there is a growing, frightening sense that the world, especially nations of a Judeo-Christian background, is hurtling toward a massive confrontation with the Muslim-dominated nations of the Middle East; a crisis on the same scale as World War I and World War II. Yet there is an answer to this crisis: the praying and fasting Body of Christ. When the principalities that dominated the airwaves of the Middle East came against the people of God thousands of years ago, God raised up a single man, the prophet Daniel, in the midst of Babylon and Persia, to contend against the demonic Prince of Persia with the weapons of fasting and prayer. The Bride of Christ must understand that if it is to pierce the darkness that broods over the Middle East, and break the vice grip of Islam over the world, it will take the same resolve that Daniel had in fasting and prayer to contend with the Prince of Persia. The Church has entered into a season of Daniel 10 again and how we respond in prayer and fasting during this time will determine our future course and destiny.

"We must be clear that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12).

If the Church will throw themselves into prayer and fasting during this critical season, the spoils of victory, including the souls of millions of Muslims, the restraining of the spirit of jihad, the shifting of the Iraq war, and the security and salvation of Israel, will belong to Christ and Christ alone.

REVIVAL
THE HOPE
Despite the raging of the world that surrounds us, the Church ought to and must hold onto outrageous hope. Every day there are new reports being sent out and new books being published that speak of the dismal nature of the Western Church. Droves of youth are leaving our churches and not returning. The statistics are certainly shocking, but we must not let our eyes dwell on statistics. We must not look with our natural eyes; instead, we must have eyes to see the victory of the Lord even in the midst of seeming darkness. Our report should be nothing less than the cry of Joshua and Caleb, "We should by all means go up and take possession of it, for we will surely overcome it" (Numbers 13:30).
The Scriptures promise that "though darkness will cover the earth and deep darkness the peoples, the Lord will rise upon you and his glory will appear upon you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising" (Isaiah 60:2-3).

GLOBAL AWAKENING AMONG THE YOUTH
While the natural world seems to be thrown into violent upheaval, there is a growing sense among prophetic voices in America that 2006 will be a glorious year for the Body of Christ. This year will not simply be a celebration of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on Azusa Street 100 years ago. We believe the Lord is ready to visit us again, and pour out awakening and revival. A generation that has grown up only reading and hearing stories of national revival, but never experiencing the in-break of the Holy Spirit for themselves must learn to labor in prayer and fasting for their Great Awakening. The 40 years of wandering in the desert are up and the sound of rain can again be heard in the very-near distance. Even now, we are hearing reports about the rumblings of revival at universities around the nation. Could another Jesus Movement be on the horizon? Could God break out at universities and among the youth of our nation? Our days of rehearsal are finished; we believe God is ready to come back onto the main stage!

REFORMATION
RIGHTEOUSNESS AND JUSTICE
Everything that can be shaken will be shaken. For 33 years, America has lived under the dark cloud of legalized abortion. Yet God has begun a great shakedown in our legal system. In this past year, God has removed two Supreme Court Justices and raised up two new Supreme Court Justices. If the Church will continue to pray for them, this generation may see the scourge of the death culture and the blight of national sin of abortion removed from our nation. However, the shift of our legal system is not finished. We must pray that God removes a third pro-abortion Justice and replaces the vacancy with a godly Justice who loves mercy, executes justice and walks humbly with his God.

THE CALL
Dutch Sheets, Lou Engle, Francis Frangipane, and I are calling for one million intercessors to join in 40 days of fasting beginning on MARCH 1 (Ash Wednesday) to APRIL 9 (Passover Sunday and the 100-year anniversary of the Azusa Street Outpouring that began at Bonnie Brae Street).

We are fasting and praying for Revival, for the shifting of the Supreme Court and the ending of abortion, for the Middle East crisis and the freedom of a billion souls from the vice grip of Islam, and for the security and salvation of Israel.

International House of Prayer
3535 Red Bridge Rd, Kasas City, MO 64137 USA
www.IHOP.org

I'm Off

2006-02-23T09:48:00.000-05:00

So, it has been a bumpy road, but I will be heading out for my trip here shortly. This has been planned since January, and I can't believe how many obstacles came up at the last minute. Last night I was really wondering if we would make it at all. Part of me felt like giving up, but this is an important trip. I'll be a little late, but I'll be there--no bells on, though. I'm leaving them at home!

BTW...I will be checking in as my laptop is equipped, and Panera Bread offers free Wi-Fi, and great chai tea lattes!

Peace out, my friends.

Daisy Update

2006-02-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

Just now getting home with Daisy after such a stressful day. Looks like she will be okay, but will have some restrictions for the next 3 weeks.

I'm so tired . We were supposed to be leaving at 5:00am tomorrow, but I need to find a vet that can board Daisy. The restrictions are pretty strenuous. She can't jump or use stairs. She must be monitored for any bruises or bleeding, and has to take Vitamin K everyday. Dan wouldn't be able to take proper care of her, and I'm not sure I can take her with me...so boarding at a vets it must be or stay home.

Interestingly enough, this is a pretty important trip. I am to be ordained as a minister this weekend. Then, visiting IHOP-Bristol next Monday and Tuesday.

I should just rest, now. I will feel better in the morning.

Eventful Day

2006-02-22T14:07:00.000-05:00

So, today started out wonderfully. I was cleaning. Doing dishes, laundry, and feeling really good about it. You see, I am leaving tomorrow very early for a six day trip, and I want to get things in order.

I take Daisy out with me to the laundry are in our building, which is in the basement. I'm putting a load in the dryer, and I hear her crunching something. Upon investigation, I see sqare brown tablets scattered all over the corner and realize that she may have just eaten rat or mouse poisoning.

I get dressed, brush my teeth and head out the door with Daisy in one arm and the yellow pages in the other. I call a couple of places, and get referred to an Emergency Pet Hospital. I feel like an idiot while they ask me what exactly she ingested. I had two with me in a bag, but that doesn't really help. How are they supposed to know if its poison? I call the vice president of our condo association who says if it is poison, it was put there more than 3 years ago. She doesn't recall any poison ever being put out. I knew the odds of finding out if it is poison and what kind would be slim. We live in a very laid back building! If it is poison, Daisy will die. If not, I save $300. I decided that it wasn't worth the risk.

They induced vomitting and sure enough a few of those square tablets in her stomach. They are giving her other treatment also, but I can pick her up this afternoon.

Man, oh man, oh man, oh man...

Inconceivable

2006-02-22T08:13:00.000-05:00

You knew me before the foundation of the world. You knew me.
You made me in my mother's womb. You made me.
You loved me before there was time. You loved me.

You knew it would take a long time for me to know You.
You knew I would walk away.
You knew it would be a long path for me to find You.
You knew I would find my way.

Back to the One who knows my beginning from my end.
Back to the One who sees who I will become.
Back to the One who loves me despite where I've been.

Before time began.
There was God.
Before time began.
There was me;
in His heart.

My First Tag

2006-02-21T12:04:00.000-05:00

I'm excited! I've been tagged by Stephen. Fun...

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. Real Estate Agent
2. Community Consulant for Adults with Developmental Disabilities
3. Office Administrator
4. Personal Assistant

FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER:
I say this from experience b/c we own these, and I do watch them over and over:)
1. Notting Hill
2. Two Weeks Notice
3. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
4. Sweet Home Alabama

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH: I've watched way too much TV over the years. Embarassing amount! Since August '05 only show #1 and #2 have stayed in the rotation.
1. Survivor
2. The Apprentice
3. Bafefoot Contessa
4. Everyday Italian
I have to say that I miss #3 and #4 since we no longer have cable.

FOUR PLACES I'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. Wisconsin Dells- for our honeymoon-weird, huh? That was the part we liked:)
2. Virginia Beach
3. Connecticut-Road Trip
4. New York City

MY FAVORITE DISHES:
1. Fajitas
2. Lasagna
3. Eggs sunny side up on everything bagel (one egg on each slice) with ketchup, salt, pepper, and tobasco sauce on top! Breakfast!
3. Chai tea latte and pumpkin loaf. Lunch and Dinner!

FOUR WEBSITES I VISIT DAILY:
1. Yahoo
2. Blogs... including, but not limited to: Bek; Randy; Stephen; Mark D; Chuck; Tom; Greg; Jenny; Hip Hope Raven;
3. Elijah List
4. eBay Supplier of my vintage wardrobe!

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE
1. New York City My favorite city in the world. I dream of living there.
2. IHOP-KC I would love to do an internship, or take classes at the new school of music. A girl can dream!
3. Medical Missions or Disaster Relief Work where needed. Maybe more of a reality that I see in our future. (gotta get through med school first!--Dan, that is!)
4. Israel HOP Learning Hebrew; Dwelling in the place where Jesus walked and will return to reign on the earth; Loving Jewish people...

FOUR BLOGGERS I'M TAGGING: Not sure if ya'll play along, but...
1. Chuck
2. Tom
3. Pam
4. Greg

I really enjoyed answering these questions. They reminded me of where I've been, and where I see myself going. Some of these desires I haven't thought about in some time or even wrote about on my blog. So, thanks, Stephen.

The Boy Who Cried, "Fast"

2006-02-20T22:48:00.000-05:00

This, too must be passed on to you. Jackson son of Randy has a desire for a different type of birthday present. I know some of you read Randy's blog, but for those who haven't, this is worth repeating. Also, for what it is worth, Jackson's blog is a blend of profound and hilarious. I laughed out loud today reading his stuff more than once!

If you decide to join Jackson, you will be in good company! Check out his blog for a list of participants--over 129 and counting--including Lou Engle and Mike Bickle. As for me, I must say, I would like to fast and pray with them.

Here is what Jackson had to say:

Friends and Family,

As some of you know, my 13th birthday is coming up. (February 26th)

This time last year, I was having a hard time celebrating my birthday when fully aware of how many babies had been aborted on my birthday - 60,500 at the time since 1993. It seemed wrong to celebrate my birth when two thirds of people born on February 26th wouldn't be able to celebrate.

This year, I am faced with the same dilemma. I feel a heaviness that I think is from God, telling me to fast on behalf of all of those aborted since then. There are over 65,000 that will have been aborted by my birthday this year, and the way I see it, if I don't stand, I will essentially be slapping God in the face.

I feel a divine invitation from God, and I believe he's ready to do something just in our nation. This is why I ask you, Will you fast with me? Will you stand in the gap with me on behalf of the unborn? Will you take the time we would have otherwise spent celebrating my birthday and fast?

Please prayerfully consider this invitation, and do not feel pressured to do anything. If you feel nothing, do nothing, but if you feel as I do, please do this with me.

Thank you,
Jackson Bohlender
Intercessory Missionary, Kansas City, MO

A Contest over at Regeneration

2006-02-20T22:44:00.000-05:00

Got to pass this on to you guys. Stephen is having an interesting contest over at his blog Regeneration.

Check it out! Win a Sega Game Gear!

Why I Vehemently Dislike Internet Explorer' Comment Contest!
Filed under: Fun, Computers, Contests, Video Games - Stephen @ 7:21 pm

I'm having a contest.

The winner will receive a free slightly-used Sega Game Gear with two good games of my choosing, postage-paid.

(Why a Game Gear? I own three of them now, thanks to some auctions on eBay that I really didn't think I was going to win, and that backfired on me. My silliness is your [or your kid's] gain.)

All you have to to is tell me, in fifteen words or less, why you vehemently dislike Microsoft's Internet Explorer. ('Hate' is too strong of a word for me.)

Funniest answer wins.

The contest ends March 15th, 2006 at 12:00PM EST. (That's an arbitrary date for now...it may change if the Game Gears arrive late or, Heaven forbid, damaged.)

Fine print:

* Beta versions of IE 7.0 don't count (as I haven't had a chance to develop a distaste for that version yet).
* Winner will be notified by email and must provide a valid United States postal address upon request. (...which means if you send anonymous comments or give me fake postal addresses, no Gear for you.)
* Open only to residents of the continental United States. (..though if you're from another country and have a funny comment, you will receive an honorable mention!)
* Yes, I know it's kind of chintzy to give away things that aren't shiny and new and shrink-wrapped. Please don't look this 'gift horse' in the mouth--I have coffee-breath right now.
* No lewd, racist, antisemitic, or otherwise off-color comments. If you can't tell it to your mother-in-law's red-headed stepchild, you probably shouldn't post it. (I screen all of my comments carefully.)
* My wife and I will decide whose entry is the funniest--whoever makes us laugh most gets the prize. (That's about as scientific as these things get, folks. :) )

All right, folks--get to thinking! You have a little less than a month!

Whisper

2006-02-20T08:20:00.000-05:00

sleep evades me
echoing through still silence
God speaks

Rubber meets the Road

2006-02-19T16:24:00.000-05:00

As I took Daisy out to do her business this morning, I heard a homeless man coughing. He was lying on the concrete across a parking lot from me. I remembered seeing him yesterday, too. It was freezing last night. I was freezing just standing there with Daisy. Inconceivable to think of someone lying out in the frigid night.
I went back inside, and just wondered what in the world I'm supposed to do. Here I have been burdened all week by the depravity of man, and suddenly, less than 500 feet from my home--poverty, hunger, and homelessness. Immediatley, a choice ahead of me. Do nothing. Return to the warmth of my home and forget, or do something-anything. But, what? What can I give?
Neither Dan or myself had cash, so that was out. We have food, though, so I made some sandwiches, and added fruit and carrots and some other items. I peer out my window to see if he is still there, and now see two men. Two homeless men. Dan is busy with studying and so I needed to take the food to them myself, and here is where some huge revelations came...I couldn't do it alone.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of strange men. Inexperience. I am ill equipped to do something like this by myself.
In the end, Dan came with me. He did all the talking. He was wonderful. Spoke to them with ease. We gave them the food, and went to a cafe next door to get coffee for one and hot chocolate for the other. That's it. Food and a warm drink. An expression of love.

When we got back, I was emotional. Confused, disappointed in myself, and sad. I've had a few hours to think about it, now, and I feel less emotional. But, I still wonder if I am being held back by fear. What am I afraid of? I think of being hurt physically by a man. For that reason, I wouldn't even consider picking up a male hitch-hiker. What if I'm supposed to, though? How will I know? How will I become who God wants me to be? How will I help someone if I am afraid?

I guess I am sharing this because I want to learn. I want to be equipped. I want to know what to say; how to share the love of Christ with wisdom, but without fear.

Urgency

2006-02-17T12:01:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a lot of urgency right now. I look at the world. I see the darkness. Terrorists become elected as government leaders in Palestine. Iran seeks to build nuclear weapons and desires to wipe Israel off the map.

Now is the time. Now is the hour...I was created for such a time as this.

Weary

2006-02-15T14:00:00.000-05:00

"I come to you broken and weary. The weight of the world too much to carry."-Mandy Dawson.

This is a line from a song I wrote a year ago, and its how I feel today.

Maybe because I've been ill for a few days. Responsiblities are building up and I feel too tired to take care of everything that I need to do.
Then, yesterday, I stumbled on the family website for Shiri, who was killed in a suicide bombing. I watched a video and listened to her sing, and I was overwhelmed by her smile; by the presence shining from her face.

I couldn't stop thinking about this injustice. When you start thinking about all of the atrocities that take place every day, it becomes overwhelming.
Poverty-Aids-Abuse-Neglect-Terror-Bombings-Murders-Famines-Rape-Drugs-Sex Trafficking-Illness-Disease...

So much worldwide. So much next door. And I wonder, what can I do? What should I do? What will I do?

What can combat such darkness, evil, hate? Who can wage this war and win? We know the answer. We know Him. He is light, goodness and love. His love is the only answer.

Give me courage and strength to interceed for Your Light, Your Truth to SHINE. Shine Jesus. Heal the hurting, sick and dying. Signs and wonders go forth to spread the glorious Truth of your love.
YOU ARE THE ANSWER. YOU ARE THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.

Heart Break

2006-02-14T11:38:00.000-05:00

news everyday
headline terror
attack everyday
headline suicide
bombing everyday
headline blast
kills everyday
headline gunman
kills everyday
headline many
die

different today
seeing
her face
smiling, shining
knowing
her light
erradicated
by hate

different today
seeing
family
left in the wake
struggling
trying
to make sense
but can you
make sense
of hate

my heart
breaks
my heart
aches
and I wonder
how
His heart
breaks
how
His heart
aches
to look upon
His Creation
each
handcrafted
by His very hand
He the potter
we the clay
how many
He
loses
everyday
to
hate

to give you a name and a face

doctor who tried to save

watch her

hear her sing

a song of peace

Breathe

2006-02-13T20:07:00.000-05:00

tired
time
to stop
be still
commune with Creator
know Him
Lover
Savior

empty vessel
nothing
to share
to give
need
to
be filled

time
precious
gift
none
to
waste
on
trivial
things
wood
hay
stubble
burn
in flame

seeking
life
lived
freedom
abandoned
wasted
on
The One
who
gives
true
treasure
moth and rust
cannot
destroy
fire
makes
more
beautiful

eys
set
gaze
fixed
on
Glorious
Wonderful
Beautiful
Jesus
only
my
reward

Dan's Chart

2006-02-11T12:40:00.000-05:00

This is Dan's chart of viruses that he is studying for an exam on Monday.

Daisy and Drowsy

2006-02-11T12:31:00.000-05:00

We got our little dog, Daisy, back this weekend. She has been with my parents since we moved to the city. We think we have an arrangement, now so she can stay with us and be a city dog!
She and our cat, Drowsy, are becoming reacquainted, and both took a spot on each window in the office this morning. Dan was studying...those are his feet in the corner!

Claiming an Inheritance

2006-02-10T19:39:00.000-05:00

I was really blessed by this testimony of healing over at Joyful in Hope's blog

She shares of a miraculous healing of infertility, and this part got me thinking of a fertility battle of my own that I face. She says:
"There is an attack on our generation's ability to conceive and carry, for whatever reason. God's been revealing to me his promise to bring children, to bring blessing and honor through them, and to give us perfect health. We need to stand (together) and believe and battle for this! Our God is good and I believe, as I said before, that His amazing miracle in my body is a deposit on the bringing forth of a life that has been said to be impossible. He calls things into existence and He who promises is faithful!"

So, here is my story. I am a carrier for a genetic spine disease. Many men in my family have it including my dad. It is a devestating disease where the discs between the vertebrae deteriorate, the spine curves, the hip joint degegenerates. My dad is 50 this year. He is still walks on his own, and does pretty well. He has to rest after long days of walking, but generally recuperates his strength overnight.

The gene seems to mutate with each generation with the symptoms becoming more severe. One of my cousins has the disease, and his health is as bad as my dads or worse, and he is only 23. Same generation as me.

Here is where it gets complicated. The disease is passed through the X chromosone. Basically, women only carry the disease, and manifest very few symptoms other than neck and shoulder pain. Men who have the disease can only pass it to their female children. In order for me to be a female, I have to have my dad's X chromosone, and my mom's X chromosone. Since my dad only has one diseased X chromosone-that is the one I got. For my brother's to be male, they got mom's X, and dad's Y.

Women always give supply the X chromosone to their children, and the male determines the sex by giving either a X or Y. So, all of my children have a 50/50 chance of getting a diseased chromosone. If the child is a female, and gets the bad X it is not a significant problem other than the fact that her children have a 50/50 chance, too. If we have a boy with the disease, he will face significant pain and disability throughout his life, and 100% of the time pass this disease to his female children.

Here is the twist for me. From the limited research we have done, there may be a couple ways to keep our children from having this disease.

Option #1--All of my eggs have one X gene...either good or diseased. There is probably a way to extract my eggs, and test them for which chromosone they contain, and fertizile and implant only good X gene eggs. In this way we would completley erradicate the disease for our decendants.
Option #2--If option #1 were not really viable(and we don't know, yet), we could make sure that we have female children. They would have a 50/50 chance of being a carrier, but would not have crippling symptoms of the disease. Essentially, they would be like me.
Option #3--Have no biological children, and adopt. We definitley plan on adopting in the future, even if we do have biological kids. We might adopt babies from other countries, or maybe families that have had parental rights terminated. Maybe even teenagers who are close to losing hope of ever having a family. So, for us, this is a very real option, and one we are extremely open, too.

My parents didn't really have these kind of options, and they had very little information about my dad's disease. It wasn't until 8 years ago that a university in St. Louis did an entire study on my family, and got to the bottom of things. But, for me. I have choices. I have opportunities. I have the ability to break a generational curse. 50/50 chance of having a diseased son...these is not good odds. Thats kind of like a crap shoot. To me, I just don't see a reason to take that risk. I don't want to play God, for sure, but I feel like He has given me a strong leading to do everything in my power to not pass this disease on.

This scenario plays in my mind...we just risk it and get pregnant. The first thing we want to know is the sex of our baby. They tell us its a boy, and we wait in anguish until he is born to see if he is diseased. He is born with the disease, and I feel like immediatley, I would feel devestated that I wasn't more responsible. It would be selfish of me to ask a child to be born with this disease. This being said, I believe that God controls our spirits. If he has a plan for me to have a child, he can send that same spirit to a diseased embryo or a healthy one. Different body, same person. I don't feel like by not risking it, that I am preventing a certain child from being born. I don't believe that I have control of that.

I hope this isn't offensive to anyone. These are just my thoughts about a difficult situation, and something we have been talking about for the past month or so. The bottom line for me is that we must be wise, responsible, and a good steward, and look to God to lead us. I believe that He has a will in what we do regarding this issue.

So, we will probably see a geneticist sometime this summer to know more concretley what our options are. Until then, we wait and pray.

Altruistic Love..

2006-02-10T15:27:00.000-05:00

In a study released today...

Altruism may breed better marriages, a new study suggests. Or, the data might mean that good marriages make people more altruistic.
Whatever, altruism and happiness seem to go together in the realm of love.

"Altruistic love was associated with greater happiness in general and especially with more marital happiness," concludes Tom Smith of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago in a report released today.

al-tru-ism
1. Unselfish concern for the welfare of others; selflessness.

So, people who put each others needs above their own have happier, more successful marriages. Makes sense.

If I could just do that!

Other interesting facts...
The study found that people who pray every day performed, on average, 77 acts of altruism a year vs. 60 for those who never pray.

Men vs. women

Altruistic love scores were higher for women who are homemakers than women who work outside the home. Men scored higher than women. "This may be because there is an element of heroic stoicism and being a protector," Smith writes in the report.

Altruism runs higher among older people and those with college educations.

Smith also analyzed empathy, described as feeling protective of others or concerned for the less fortunate. Some of the findings:

* Women have a greater feeling of empathy than men.
* Children from two-parent homes are more empathetic.
* Girls raised by a single father are the least likely to develop empathy.
* Financial status bears little on altruism or empathy.
* People who vote are more empathetic and altruistic.
* Empathy is higher among those who fear crime.
* Empathy is higher among those who support increased spending on social programs.

I consider myself to be pretty empathatic, and many of the above statements apply to me.

I also think that a wife's highest calling is altruistic love for her husband and children. Likewise, a husband's highest calling is altruistic love for his wife and children.

Brand New Day

2006-02-10T11:55:00.000-05:00

This is my first song ever. I wrote it last summer during a difficult time. Dan was working on the MCAT, and there was a lot of change going on in our lives. Expressing myself in this song really helped me get through. There are things that I would change about it, and probably will in the future to make it better- things like, speed it up, tighter vocals, better arrangement.

It is nice to look back, though. To see that God has gotten you through tough times...again and again. Helps you to know that He will in the future, too.

BRAND NEW DAY

Rants

2006-02-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

I don't rant very often. Maybe its just because I'm not feeling well. I have that typical winter cold/flu or whatever.
RANT #1--ASIAN BEETLES. Anyone else have these? Brown lady-bug like creatures that migrate indoors in the Spring and Fall. I guess they were imported some years ago to combat some other pest, and now they are terribly pesky themselves.
It was warm yesterday, and I opened a window. About 200 of these bugs fell out of the cracks of the window-half dead, half alive. I started shooing, flicking, throwing them out the window. Screeching, of course. The alive ones emit this defensive odor-bleck. A few minutes later, I rub my eyes, and next thing you know they are burning, itchy, swollen and red. Still irritated today. Should have washed my hands, I know!

RANT #2--CHURCH READER BOARDS. I hate what is happening to church reader boards right now. Seems like everyone I read is some kind of smart-alec, cutsy, rhyming thing. Like, "Why don't you give Jesus a try, if you don't like Him, the devil will take you back." Or, "There are no fire extinguishers in Hell". They make me so angry. Do we really think those kinds of sayings will draw people in, or are we just trying to turn people away by upholding the idea that we think we are better than "sinners". And, since when is mans inventive sayings better than the Word of God. You would think that more people would just put Scripture on their board. After all, it is truth...it is light...it does not return void. What makes us think that we have something so clever that it can replace the very words of the Spirit?

Ok...thats it for now. Maybe more later:)
Just kidding!

Harp and Bowl 2.7.06

2006-02-09T10:22:00.000-05:00

I've posted our harp and bowl session from Tuesday, the 7th. here.
Session included:
SHOW YOUR HEART
LET ME HEAR YOUR HEART BEAT
MY HEART BEATS FOR YOU
HANDCRAFTED
and
PRAYER FOR SCHOOLS; GENERATION

We started out just asking God to release what was on His heart, and it turned out that we were on His heart. He was calling us into our destiny in Him.

Good News!

2006-02-09T10:20:00.000-05:00

Dan's test went great yesterday! He was relaxed yesterday knowing that he did well. We got to spend some time together and catch up on our talking. It was just wonderful!
Praise God!

A Guilty Pleasure

2006-02-08T13:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, its time for me to admit it...I'm addicted to Starbucks or chai tea at least!

It is actually my lunch almost everyday. Its a perfect lunch. Satisfy, yet not too filling. So tasty this combination of mine, too!

Iced, venti, light iced, chai tea latte and a slice of pumkin loaf.

Today has been a tough day, so I might need another latte, but I'll skip the double pumpkin loaf!

May He Be a Blessed Man

2006-02-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

Medical school is ridiculously demanding. Dan has a test today, and the stress level is just unbelievable. Its hard for me to even know what to do, how to help, what to say. I did clean our bedroom and the kitchen this morning. Then, I went on a little gift hunt for Dan. I got him some of his favorite things and left them on the dining room table. So he comes home to a clean environment, and some suprises including...diet mountain dew, toblerone, twizzlers, beef jerky, doritos, and a new movie (with Brad Pitt, who is one of his favorites). Comfort food, I know:)

And, I interceed...asking God to release favor and blessings. Would You perform Your perfect work through Dan, and fill him with peace. That he would know Your exceeding great power towards him. That he would have excellence, confidence, and the grace to perform abundantly by the power of the Holy Spirit. That he would know Christ's love, and be filled with the fullness of God. May he be like a prince who recieves the favor of the King. May he be blessed amoung men.

UNIQULEY ME...Here I am, Lord

2006-02-07T21:08:00.000-05:00

So, here I am--a sojourner.
Searching.
Seeking.
Yearning.
Many unknowns. The path is not yet clear.(and I think...how could it not be clear? i'm 28 years old?)
Who will I be?
What will I do?
What song will I sing?
Whose mother will I be?
Many desires reside within this aching soul of mine.(in no particular order!)
Feed the hungry.
Clothe the poor.
Adopt the orphan.
Shelter the homeless.
Reach the chosen.
Teach the children.
Write the songs.
Sing the melody.
Play the symphony.
Create the beauty.
See what only I can see.
Love the unloveable.
Forgive the unforgiveable.
Search the unsearchable. (no, not reach the unreachable;)--well, maybe!)

Find the One who created me to be
UNIQULEY ME.

What's in a Name?

2006-02-07T07:34:00.000-05:00

I've heard it said that the meaning of your name is actually a prophetic word over you every time someone speaks it. Like Abram when his name was changed to Abraham, meaning "father of many". Everytime someone addressed him they were calling him father of many when in reality, the future looked as if he would be father of none. God changed His name as a sign to him to give him hope for his tomorrow...hope for his destiny.

I find the meaning of my name to be ironic. The very thing that people speak over me seems to be my emotional deficit. It is the thing I am most afraid of not being true. The thing that I think oposite of immediatley when I am feeling blue.

Amanda...Latin meaning "worthy of love". Hebrew equivalent is the female of David, meaning "beloved". Davida or Ahavah, "cherished one".

And yet, the most basic fear I have is..."no one loves me." Isn't it true that the enemy will try to accomplish the very opposite of prophetic words spoken over you? I have seen that in my own life.

So, what is the meaning of your name? What is the prophetic destiny spoken over you?

My Newest Song

2006-02-05T19:54:00.000-05:00

Recorded my newest song today. Simple. From Song of Songs.
I am His and He is Mine

More Reflection (Because I'm tired of the Who am I title!)

2006-02-05T19:22:00.000-05:00

A little background information...two years ago, Dan graduated from grad school, and had a full-ride scholarship to the #1 doctorate of physical therapy program in the nation. Then, God began speaking to him about being a doctor. This is something that we had discussed and said he would NEVER do because it was not for him. After 3 months of wrestling and struggling with this, we decided...YES, God is calling him to be a doctor. He gave up the scholarship. We canceled a trip to Europe that was completely paid for by our friend, and he went back to school for 1 year of pre-requisites, and took the MCAT twice. That was step #1.
Step #2. Getting into medical school is difficult. They say like a crap shoot. Dan applied to 14 schools in Nov. 2004 and by March 2005 had 13 rejection letters. Indiana University was our only hope, but it did not look promising for a number of reasons. In January 2005 the Holy Spirit instructs us to sell our home, and 3 rental properties that we owned.

Fast forward to March, I went to IHOP-KC for a conference, and had personal prophecy. A woman told me that I had a lot of questions, and the Lord would begin to answer them in 3 days. Three days later we accepted an offer to sell our home. Five days after that Dan had an encounter with the Spirit of God, and recieved a set of instructions and prophecies concerning medical school and our families.

This is what the Lord said...Dan, you will be going to medical school at Indiana University in Indianapolis. Let this prophecy be fulfilled in you...the last shall be first. You will be the last to get into medical school, but will be first in your class. This blessing is because of the obedience of your wife. And also the obedience of your parents and in-laws. Your brother will be saved, and your family will be released to do mighty works for the Lord. Then, the Lord gave him a sign as he was driving. There was a car about 1000 ft behind him and the Lord says that car is a police car. The police car drove by and the Holy Spirit says that is a sign from God.
The last instruction was not to be ashamed to proclaim this word, and not feel like we have to protect God in case we heard wrong.
We tell people that Dan will be going to medical school at IU. They ask about the acceptance letter, and we say, no letter, but we have heard from God. We plan a Sunday to look for condos in Indy, and the day before a new one comes on the market. We go see it, and it is bigger and $70,000 less expensive than the one we thought we were going to buy. Immediatley, we knew that this was the place for us. So, we put in a full price offer and it is accepted the next day, Monday. Tuesday, Dan get his acceptance letter from IU.

As for me, here is some more miraculous events. Because of Dan's income, we began putting all of my salary towards my debt. Eleven thousand total...Eight in credit card debt and three to IU. Second week of May, I am debt free. One week later, I get laid of from my job. We move over the summer and fix our condo up. Not sure for ahwile what to do about a job. In the meantime, the Lord leads my parents to start up a House of Prayer, and my dad signs a lease in July for a storefront location. By August, it was clear to us that I would be able to serve full-time in the House of Prayer thanks to provision for my support. ANSWERED PRAYER...I prayed in December, "God, deliver me from debt, so that I can be an Anna in the House of Prayer." Of course, I was praying for Kansas City, but God had other plans for me!

Since December 2005, some of my support has fallen through, and I am currently seeking other sources of income. Right now, it looks like I could be going back to the job I got laid off from part time, or a local Starbucks. I'm also hoping to travel...speak and sing in churches to share about the prayer movement, and ask for supporters. Just trying to wait on God's direction. Show the way, God. Illuminate the path before me.
Peace.

Who am I? Part IV

2006-02-04T11:53:00.000-05:00

I was in awe after spending time at IHOP. I had never seen such devotion and passion. I listened to every bit of Mike Bickle teaching that I could get my hands on, and felt sick to my stomach every time. What I mean by that is the weight of his words felt like a ton of bricks in my stomach. Later, I learned that this is a trembling spirit, and it made sense because the Holy Spirit resides within you in the belly region.
It was like the sqare peg round hole analogy. I felt like, this is the place for me. This is what I've been searching for. So, I went home, and asked Dan if we could sell all of our properties (4 total) immediatley, and move to Kansas City by January 2005. Of course, Dan thought I was crazy, but he did give me this consideration. He said, "If you are out of credit card, and school debt by January 2005, it would be a miracle, and I'll do it." I started praying for a miracle to the tune of $11,000. January came and went with no mother load of cash, so we stayed put. In the mean time, our life is still kind of up in the air because Dan was waiting to hear if and where he would go to medical school. Little did I know, some big changes, and miraculous events were just about to take place...

Who am I? Part III

2006-02-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

One day while preparing for a worship set, I discovered something new to me. I was playing "Come and Fill This Place" in the key of G, and the part "...let your kingdom come, let your will be done, let us see on earth" had a chord progression--C to D (4 beats each)--and then ended on A. I wondered if I could just keep playing the C to D part a little longer. So, I did, and then I started singing my own words. The verses end with the phrases "As we sing your praise, come and fill this place." So, insted of singing let your kingdom come, I sang "We sing your praise. We sing your praise." I just kept singing it over and over. I liked it, so I did it that night in worship.

From there on out, I just started picking out simple progressions and tagging them at the end of songs. I would keep singing themes from the song only spontaneously. I had never heard of Jason Upton, and had never been to IHOP at this point. So, I'm kind of Magooin' it as my friend says. (meaning blindly walking forward).

While this is going on, I'm struggling with prayer. I was very introspective. I felt guilty because I had wasted so much time knowing the truth about Jesus, but not knowing Hm intimatley. I mostly had these eyes fixed on me prayer sessions, and didn't understand why I felt like I was talking to myself or the ceiling at the most.
So, one night after church, I was thinking how much I just really loved to sing from my spirit to the Lord. Then, I thought, I should sing my prayers. I was amazed that I felt an connection with God, and it wasn't ackward like speaking to the ceiling!

Another important transition during this time was my move from guitar to keyboard. I was stuck in a rut with guitar having progressed as far as I could on my own. I could only play in certain keys, and that really limited me. All of my music came from our male worship leaders, and some needed to be transposed for me to sing with ease. One day, I went to the piano to play a song in a different key. I started transposing a ton of songs, and found the best keys for my voice which really changed how I lead worship. I've been leading worship exclusively on the piano ever since.

So, this was taking place from April-September 2004. The next defining moment was in October...My family and I went to IHOP for a conference...

New Harp and Bowl mp3s

2006-02-01T22:41:00.000-05:00

Here is our Harp and Bowl session from today. My voice is sometimes off-pitch, and there are mistakes in phrasing, and bad portions of piano playing. It happens. Live Intercession!
Give Us Clean Hands

Wait on You; Intercession

Prayer for Unity; Prayer for Military

Prayer for Revival

Who am I? Part II

2006-02-01T21:04:00.000-05:00

Meanwhile while all of this job changing was going on, I was invited to join the worship team at my church. I've been singing since I came out of the womb. I seriously can't remember ever not loving to sing. My mom always sang harmony, so I picked up an uncanny knack for that as a child. I was always the lead harmony person in high school choir and ensembles. I took voice lessons both in high school and college. One voice teacher at IU actually destructed my voice for a 3 month period. I had no idea what he was trying to teach me and it was very frustrated. Then, one day, I got it, and my voice has never been the same...what I mean I had a breakthrough, and my voice became stronger. He taught me some very valuable lessons.

So, when I joined the worship team, I was excited to be singing with a group again, and I approached it as just that--singing. I didn't know how to worship. I came from a Baptist background, and kind of moved away from that after attending Liberty University. But, even there abandoned worship was kind of frowned upon. We were just free to wear pants to church and sing new praise songs, but it was still just singing to me.

Shortly thereafter, I decided to learn guitar. I began learning the basic chords, and within a month, was playing pretty simple songs, and leading worship at womens meetings. Our worship leader was a little skeptical, but suprised when he heard me play. He kind of took me under his wing and began training me to be a worship leader. About a year later, he asked me to start leading worship on Wednesday nights. During this time, I recieved the first prophetic word ever given to me, and it was "Sing, Mandy, sing." I was like "Okay, I'm doing that" and kind of forgot about it.
I really loved learning guitar, so I took some summer lessons at IU. Then on a whim, I also took a semester of drums and pedal harp, and piano. I had played piano since I was seven, so that was just an easy credit. My piano skills made it very comfortable to play harp, but thats another post!
So, by this time I realized that I love making music and singing. It energized me, and just made me feel great.

My worship leader died in August 2003. This was the first time for me to experience the death of someone who wasn't a distant relative. I continued to lead worship every Wednesday night. In March 2004, I went to an Integrity worship seminar, and saw this band, Desperation. They were singing about intimacy, fasting, urgency, abandonment. I felt like someone lit a fire in me. Almost like there was an impartation as they sang. My spirit was alive, and I realized that I wanted to know Jesus like they did. Upon reflection, I found that I didn't know Him at all, but was just busy doing stuff in the church.

Dan had been asking me to help him out more at home, and between work and chuch I had been swamped. I felt so ashamed that he had to keep asking me, and it took a real wake up call from God. I went home a new person, and within 2 weeks had stepped down from teen ministry, sunday morning worship team, office duties, and a whole host of other church related activities.

Then, something miraculous happened...

Who am I?

2006-01-31T19:11:00.000-05:00

Stephen has provoked some thoughts for me today, as I did for him yesterday.

To me, my path has been a long and winding road. Maybe it has taken me longer because at the beginning I was sure I had it all figured out. I studied English eduacation in college, but soon realized that I was taking the easy way out. I wanted a challenge, so I changed to special education, which I love. The class room is not the place for me, though. Neither was Indiana University. I started failing classes because I didn't go. I just hated school. During this time Dan and I were transitioning into marriage, responsiblility. I went to see an advisor who suggested general studies as a fast way to get me out of school with a degree. I had lots of credits in lots of general areas! Twenty more credit hours, and I could have a general studies degree. I finished 17 credits, and need 3 science hours to graduate. One class. But, I'm not really interested in finishing. Most people hate to hear that, so I'll apologize right away. I think its really ironic. People always asking me what I wanted to do. "Not sure." Next question..what is your degree? "Will be general studies. That doesn't narrow it down, does it?"
In the midst of all of that, I became a real estate agent, and did that for a year. Dan and I bought a series of houses that we fixed up and re-sold, and a couple that we rented out. Now, that I really loved. I love finding places that just need TLC and turning them into a potential home. Picking out paint is my favorite part! We have been very successful at that, but it has never been a full-time endeavor, and won't be.
I worked for a couple years for an agency that assists adults with developmental disabilities in the community. That was fun, we went shopping, and to the movies. I became attatched to some of my clients. Still, couldn't see me doing that for the rest of my life.
I worked for my parents company for a year, which was long enough to pay off $11,000 in debt. I had stuggled with that problem for about 6 years. I've been debt free since May 2005. I did administrative stuff for them, not fun, but fun to be with family (for the most part:).
This is becoming a complicated and long story, so I'll get to the point. What a struggle it has been. How uncomplete I have felt. Unworthy..like a stupid, nobody. Until, I opened my mouth to sing...

...to be continued.

Introducing!

2006-01-31T11:25:00.000-05:00

I want to introduce to you, my friend, Changing of the Heart. She is my mom's best friend. Her family, my parents, and Dan and I, are the founding people of City House of Prayer (City HOP). She is a very warm-hearted, and loving person with a heart for intimacy and intercession!

Welcome!

Ah Life!

2006-01-30T12:07:00.000-05:00

"I am blessed amoung men"-Misty Edwards

I am feeling like it couldn't be any more true at this moment. Continuing my early morning habit making, I dragged my sleepy head out of bed at 6:30am. After a cup of Starbucks Black Apron Kenya Kirinjaga(which someone gave me) with only splenda in it(I'm weaning off of 1/2 and 1/2!), I made breakfast and Dan's lunch. I dropped him off at school, and headed over to my best friend's house to give him a ride to the airport, stoppying by a local Starbucks for his favorite Venti, half-caf, non-fat, toffee nut latte, and some hot tea for me! I really enjoyed our hour together, and considering he will be gone for the next 3 weeks, really needed it!

Now, I am at our local bread company. I just finished a bowl of french onion soup, and I'm hanging out listening to Misty on my generic mp3 player that someone gave me, reading blogs, updating mine on my new laptop(gift, as well)!

My heart feels light, and I like it! Thank you, God for your blessings...abundance of joy and love.

Sunday Morning Worship Session

2006-01-29T16:17:00.000-05:00

How Great Is Our God; Holy is the Lord

More Love

Written on My Heart

2006-01-28T09:28:00.000-05:00

Last night during a worship service, I realized that there is still a disconnection between what I know with my mind to be true, and what I experience with my heart and my spirit.
For example. I know that Jesus loves me even in my weakness. When I first understood this, it was with my spirit. I could feel rise up within me from the pit of my stomach...this was truth. Now, that kind of resides in my mind. He loves me in my weakness. But, I desire to know more completley, more intensley, more experientially.
At first, I kind of felt bad. I am proclaiming this truth. He loves me in my weakness. (of course this is just an example, and there are many others as well.)I sing it. I write it. I pray it. I tell my friends, acquatances, and sometimes absolute strangers! For a moment, I thought...maybe I am a fraud. Maybe I'm just saying stuff without really knowing it.
And then, during the service, my friend quoted Psalm 45:1-
"My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
Also,he considered Joshua 1:8-
"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it.

Then he said, "The way to write the word of God upon your heart is by your tongue. Do not let the promise, the truth of the word of God leave your mouth." Speak it, pray it, and it moves from your lips, and becomes rooted and grounded in your spirit.
Psalm 49:3-
"My mouth shall speak wisdom, And the meditation of my heart shall give understanding."

I pray, God. May your truth not depart out of my mouth. May I sing it, pray it and speak it until it becomes steadfast and unmoveable within my spirit. May I experience the knowledge of Jesus deeper, and comprehend the width, the length, the depth, the height of His love. That you would fill me with the fullness of God.

Harp and Bowl Sessions

2006-01-26T15:04:00.000-05:00

I have posted yesterdays Harp and Bowl session on the web Here. Or you can try these:

Amazing Love; No God Like You; Sing to the King

Better Is One Day; Psalm 27:4-7

All I Want; Psalm 27:7-13

All I See; Eph 3:16-19

Its unedited...just 1 hour and 20 minutes of devotional worship and worhsip with the word. Separated into 4 different tracks, but they are lengthy. Also, they are in the order that the were recorded. Forgive the mistakes! They are there.

Kitchen

2006-01-26T07:56:00.000-05:00

Pictures of our kitchen which we did a complete overhaul of before we moved in. The cabinets are the same, but I painted them black and added other hardware. In case you ever want to paint cabinets, here are some tips...
1. Clean and prime with a high-tack latex primer
2. Get high gloss or enamel paint. I used enamel.
3. After you paint cabinets, seal with a latex sealant. Two coats is best.

If you follow these steps, your cabinets will be durable through most kitchen wear. Sharp knives and utensil can still scrape the paint off which is usually a small knick and easily touched-up. You can also follow these same steps for melamine counter tops which I have done, too!

This backplash is made from pieces of hammered copper and aluminum. It took me awhile to find copper...finally found it at Meinards. I just meaured pieces, cut them, and fixed them to the wall with liquid nail. I did paint behind the seams black that way if it showed through it wouldn't be something noticeable!

And lastly, this is a light fixture that we made from plywood which we painted black and added copper pieces to...then hung from the ceiling with s hooks and wire. If you look from the other room, you can see the light canisters on top of the fixture, but it looks kind of industrial!

Sorry if that was overwhelming. My favorite room I think, so lots of pics!!!

Good Morning!

2006-01-26T07:46:00.000-05:00

I have been forming a new habit these past three weeks, and this week has been a breakthrough. I have never been good at early mornings, and over Christmas break I really got back into staying up late and sleeping in. It was awesome! Since Dan started back to school, I've been trying to get up before he leaves so we can have breakfast and a little time together. The first 2 weeks it was pretty unsuccessful, but this week, I have been up everyday at least by 7am, and today by 6:30am. Been making breakfast and Dan's lunch!

O God, You are my God. Early will I seek You! Psalm 63:1

Christ in me making me a new creature every day!!!

Our Office...Coffe Shop Wannabe

2006-01-24T20:10:00.000-05:00

We love coffee shops. It seems like a lot of times when I decorate, I get inspired by coffee shop or bistro kind of themes. Our kitchen is also kind of coffe shop inspired!

Nothing on the walls, yet, but my plan is to take black and white photos around the city, and blow them up to hang on the wall. That will probably take me a few months. Its good to have something to look forward to, though!!

Dan spends a lot of time studying in here, and when we were finished, he said, "This looks like a nice place to study." So, that made me very happy!!!

2006-01-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

Rise up within me
Holy Spirit.
Enable me to be
all you created me
to be.
As I gaze upon
Your BEAUTY
make me beautiful
in the image of
Creator.
Would that I leave
a wake
a trail
a path
of love
of beauty
of grace.
May every step I take
be guided
ordained
by You, O Way Maker.
Make a Way for me this day.

I Just Want You

2006-01-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

in the midst of all i need to accomplish today
i ask You to be near to me
may i find joy in mundane tasks
may i bring glory to You in all that I do
for though, i must do
laundry, dishes--rest of my to do list
all i want
is to be with You
all i desire
is to be still
and know You
to be still
and hear you
speak to me from deep within
as i do the laundry and dishes and other to do's
may i know Your presence
ever with me
i fix my gaze
i set my eyes
upon You
lover of my soul
the One who gives meaning
to the mundane
the One who loves
even in my weakness
the One who cherishes
when i deserve
to be despised
without You
all is vain
like a flower that fades
You give to me
JOY
abiding
living
breathing
speaking
LOVE
passionate
glorious
mysterious
intimate
LIFE
abundant
beautiful
meaningful

Dining Room

2006-01-22T16:56:00.000-05:00

Here are some pics of our dining room. I used the same paint in the entry way, but I wanted it to look very different. Took some creativity, but I think I accomplished that goal!

::

::

Our Home

2006-01-21T16:10:00.000-05:00

As promised photos of our condo. I just loved painting these white walls and transforming our condo into our home!

First, the ENTRY:

::

Tommorow...maybe the dining room or kitchen! I just love the procss of invisioning, creating, and enjoying. Of course, I'll want to do it all again in a few months! Ever changing me!

Praise the One Who Loves Me Unconditionally!

2006-01-20T20:48:00.000-05:00

You know the enemy is still seeking to destroy and to devour what God has joined together. A miracle has taken place to the glory of God! They say that a bone that is broken heals back so strongly that it is not likely to break again in the same place, and I say this day, in Jesus name, what was broken is now healed and will not break in the same place! Praise Him!

"I am like a tree planted by rivers of living water. Waters of life. I will drink deep and live. I will live abundantly.
I am like a house built upon the rock of Messiah. Foundation is FIRM. I will overcome and live. I will live abundantly.
Waves crash, winds blow I'm unshakable, I'm unmoveable.
My God says, whatever comes His way, He can handle it today. Nothing is to big to keep His love from me. No matter what they say, I am His and He is mine. No one can take that away from me. I proclaim this day, nothing can stand in my way. For the rest of my days I will sing His praise, I belong to Him and He belongs to me. "-eM

New Song

2006-01-20T08:54:00.000-05:00

Here is the most recent song I have recorded, and one of my favorites, so far.

ABIDE IN CHRIST

All my songs are posted at here at City HOP.

New Dilemma

2006-01-17T22:02:00.000-05:00

Moving on to the next crisis in my life:
This is really hard to express, so if it sounds a little confusing, forgive me.

It has taken me a long time to discover what I want to do with my life. I've studied English, special education; been a real estate agent, and real estate investor, worked with adults with developmental disabilities. I didn't finish my degree which is in general studies. I had so many credits in different areas that general fit best! I am only one class away from finishing, but I'm not really interested.

I started singing and writing songs last year. I lead worship at my church and began singing spontaneously through prayers and scriptures, and fell in love with it. A few months later, I visited IHOP, and for the first time, witnessed harp and bowl. I felt like I had found the place for me! Along with singing, I love to create stuff. Decorating, painting, photography...I love all of that. It is important to me to be able to express myself in those ways. Lastly, I have had empathy/compassion for hurting people for as long as I can remember. There are strong desires within me to adopt children, and work in orphanages overseas, help homeless people, people with disabilities, help out in disaster relief...all of these things swirling around in me!

At the same time, I'm reading a book on the Sermon on the Mount. (Really good, and I'll give the reference later since I don't have it right here.) Anyway, the first one, "Blessed are the poor in spirit." is like the starting point for Christianity! It is basically realizing that we have NOTHING to offer God. Even our greatest gifts are filthy rags compared to His holiness and righteousness. The author says that until we come face to face with God Himself and see that we are/have nothing, that maybe we really haven't seen Him. Being poor in spirit is not being weak or sappy, non-confident person. Its more like humility. Its knowing I'm dark compared to His light.

So, how to balance that with the lovely. At the same time, my gifts and desires are inatley instilled in my by His design. He has a plan and purpose for my life that I alone can fulfill. Lots of people sing and play, create and love, but no one has my all of my exact desires. So, I'm replacable as a worship leader, artist, or disaster relief worker, but I'm not replacable as Amanda Michelle Cruse-Dawson.

I value what I do. I love to sing. I love my songs. I'm going to start travelling to sing and lead worship/harp and bowl. I will probably try to sell CDs and ask for people to partner with me. I'm asking people to value me, to buy my product, to invest in me and what I do. It is important to me that people want to do that, but that feels weird considering that my gifts are given to me for the glory of God, and not my own...I guess I'm asking people to invest in the God in me that is expressed in those specific ways.

Epiphony. That is the first time I realized that. This whole time I thought I was thinking all about me, and valuing my gifts and actually making them my identity in Christ. When all I really want is to be a lover of God...but that will be expressed through music, art and compassion. I need financial provision, so I guess to ask people to invest in that is not a bad thing.

Comments

2006-01-14T15:18:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Mark D for the heads up on a comment problem for my blog...

This should work if you would like to make a comment click on the comment link which takes you back to the main page...then click on the "What is" section which opens up that post with a post a comment link. After you post a comment, you have to refresh the page and go back to the "what is" section, again...

If this is too confusing, still...i could change the template again!

Sing to the King

2006-01-12T23:49:00.000-05:00

Here are a couple of songs I have written since August. I recorded them yesterday at City HOP, and they are just demo quality...me and my piano. Especially Mighty God which I just did in two takes...forgive the warbles, squeaks, and so forth!
Hope you like...Anyone who knows of a good producer, let me know!

SEAL ME

MIGHTY ONE (PSALM 50)

EARLY WILL I SEEK YOU(Psalm 63)

What a Blessing!

2006-01-12T22:50:00.000-05:00

I am currently writing from my NEW LAPTOP which I just got out of LayaWay TODAY. An awesome mistake happened...actually, two...
So, my mom, friend Pam, and I went to WalMart at 11:00pm the night of Thankagiving, and stood in line until 5:00am to buy a HP laptop that was on sale for $379.00. It was a really basic unit, but a good deal none the less. Anyway, we all three got one, and put them in the layaway. A few days ago, I get a call from WalMart, and they tell me that a lady cancelled her laptop layaway, and my laptop got taken out and sold along with hers, so they did not have one for me. So, instead, they upgraded me to a $700 Toshiba laptop and gave it to me for the price of the HP! Then, they told me that my balance was $104.00, and last time I paid on it, the balance was like $235!

Also, I recieved an offering today off $100...as a signing bonus for becoming an administrative assistant for a local intenerant minister!
So, I give God the glory. He is my Provider!

Change in the Walls!

2006-01-07T19:58:00.000-05:00

Been busy this week painting our office and the entry to our condo! Hard work, but feels good when its all done. Finally, like home! No more white walls. The office is chocolate brown on one wall, gold on the ceiling and one wall, deep red wall, and the other wall is dark blue. Coffee house theme! Fun!!

The entry way is artsy, and I can't really describe it, so I'll post some pics. I love it, though, and thats what matters!

Dan starts school again on Monday, so we are just hanging out the rest of this weekend. I'm looking forward to getting back to City HOP and singing and praying again. I have missed that. This has been an important time for us, so I don't feel guilty. It has been a time for us to get our priorities straight...God, then family, then career/school/ministry...a lesson learned that will change our lives forever! I guess we took this time to change the color of our walls, but also ensure that the spiritual walls are in place, and we take our place upon them!